No Cooking Due to Lard!

Sadly, I will not be cooking at all this week due to a malfunctioning kitchen sink.

Over the last couple of months, I have been having a real problem with my kitchen sink backing up. Both sides fill with water and various gunk and take forever and a day to actually drain out. Very annoying, but I figured I had probably caused the problem by putting something down the sink that didn't belong there, a kind of blaming the victim mentality. So, I betook myself to the local hardware store and poured out my heart to the store helper (an 85-year-old man who was terribly no-nonsense), who said "Buy this foaming pipe snake and run it down there. If that don't work, call the plumber!" Which I, personally, thought was great advice and something I never would have expected to hear from someone who could have sold me any number of very expensive products over the course of the next month.

I bought the snake and took it home and threw it down the drain and waited an hour. Then, per directions, I ran hot water down the sinks - only to have it back up. Great, now my sinks were full of water and dangerous chemicals. I quick locked the cats in the bedroom so they wouldn't be tempted and waited for the sinks to clear and wiped them out good.

On Monday, I want to Fac Man and begged for help. When I got home last night, I went to the sink and ran the water and there was no backing up. So excited. So Excited! I did a little dance.

This morning, I got a call from Fac Man. Turns out my problem actually wasn't fixed. The fix is just temporary. Apparently, these old houses had special points on the drainage system where "lard traps" were placed. Because people used to cook with lard and then dump it down the sink. Which is stupid and must be a city folk problem, because everyone that I know in rural areas that cooks with lard and bacon grease knows that you should keep it in an old coffee can on the back of your stove, where you can reuse it to delicious end, such as making friend chicken or homemade donuts.

Anyway, outside of my apartment, one of the lard traps has apparently rotted and the drain pipe has collapsed. Which explains all the weird debris and bad smells coming out of my kitchen drain. Getting this fixed is actually going to be somewhat problematic. Ideally, it would involve digging large holes in the front yard and putting new pipes. Which is somewhat difficult to do in January, considering that the ground is frozen and what all. Not to mention the fact that I can just see the neighbors throwing a hissy fit about the ugliness of the digging, dragging out the process for months and holding up permits, in which case I might as well just move and say screw it to the whole drain problem. Instead, they are having someone come in and reroute the entire plumping system to a new drainage point somewhere already existing in my basement. So, there will be lots of fun and interesting happenings in my basement for the next week or so.

And in the meantime, I am likely to not cook and to eat off of paper plates. It's hard to do when you can't wash dishes well....

Really, I just need to get out of my townhouse and find my own place. With a kitchen at least twice as big as I have now. Donations towards a downpayment would be appreciated and will be payed back in various delicious goodies and dinner parties.