Musing on food and cooking ...

Monday, October 09, 2006

Another Certain Sign of the Impending Apocalypse

Forget the moon turning to blood and the dead rising from their graves. The last true sign of the apocalypse

Eeeeekkkkkkk! Excuse me. I was just attacked by a ladybug. Earlier today, I was attacked by a male member of the European Earwig species, which the Internet informs me, are not poisonous and are actually helpful insects in spite of their terrifying appearance and their tendency to reside in every possible room of my townhouse.

Anyway, the last true sign of the apocalypse is not so much that I have learned to sew (kinda), but rather what I am about to attempt to sew and then wear in public.

See, I started trying to sew this last spring. I've been buying fabric forever, because a former roomie was going to help me sew some things, but we know how things always seem to go with former roomies. So I figured I better do something with all that material rather than just chuck it.

I started out by buying some interesting patterns and then getting them home and realizing I had no damn clue how to read them. Or if they would ever really fit. Throwing caution to the wind, I decided to do some freestyle stuff and started with the basic potato sack skirt. Which I can sew. Kinda. Well, at least it doesn't fall apart, even if it is way shapeless and hands on my as if I am a skeleton (which I am not, those of you who know me can attest).

Buoyed by my somewhat success in the potato sack skirt arena, I went this weekend to the huge Jo-Ann Fabrics near Lake Forest (man, does it put the ones on the East Coast to shame! It's huge! As big as the Super 88 Market in Allston) and purchased a pattern that claims to be very easy. And it is not just a pattern. It is The Pattern. The Pattern of the Apocalypse.

For with The Pattern of the Apocalypse, yours truly shalt maketh The Dress to End All Dresses.

See, a while ago, I hit this huge sale. I mean huge. I got like 6 yards of fake black snake skin material for about a $1 a yard. And, I tell you, I am making me a tight leather dress! That emphasizes the boobs. And I am going to wear that sucker, preferably on a date.

And I will certainly be wearing my new black leather boots, which make me feel tres sexy.

Poor date won't know what hit him……..

Anyway, what does this have to do with the coming Apocalypse, you might ask? Um, let's see – Heather, a pair of sexy black boots, a bosom-enhancing fake black snakeskin dress, and a possible date? Come on people! It very well might be the end of civilization as we know it! And won't it be fun!?

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