Thank You, and Catching Up

Thank you everyone for your kind words and support. It's true that we all mourn the loss of a loved one alone, especially late at night, but you certainly can't get through it without the support of loved ones.

The sadness comes and goes. I will go for long lengths of time and then, at unexpected moments, wham! I will just start bawling. I stopped at the pet store to get Pele a new toy and they had kitten adoptions and I burst out bawling right in the middle of the store. I had a really hard time when I picked up his ashes. And then again, when I put them in a nice cedar box, courtesy of my aunt via a gift to mia madre.

Pele is still depressed. She actually got out of the house the other day, looking for Leo. And she is acting out - lots of plant destruction and dish destruction and under the feet attempted destruction. Plus, she isn't feeling well right now either. Her allergies are as bad as I have ever seen them - lots of sneezing and snot and even eye booger unhappiness. We may be going into the vet to find out how much children's benadryl I can safely give her. And I feel her pain because my allergies are terrible right now too.

Life is slowly getting back to normal. Work is overwhelming and I really need some veg time. I am crispy toast. I did take half a day off for Memorial Day weekend, but that was all spent in the car, so I don't know that it truly counts as relaxation.

I went north for the holiday. I worked at home Friday morning and left at midday. Everything got off to a slow start as I got almost to the Wisconsin border and realized I had forgotten the one thing I needed to bring with me on the kitchen table and had to turn around and go back to get it. But I was still there by 6 pm. It was a wildlife weekend - six bears, a million deer, turkeys, a coyote, one dead albino peacock (don't ask), and Ted Nugent's summer home. I also found a place where I might be able to harvest my own wild rice, if I can find a flat-bottom boat in the fall. I received some very old stained glass windows that I will clean and paint and recaulk and then hang as decoration as well as a gorgeous butcher block. I went to the family rock piles and got several dozen large rocks, so I can start to build flower beds. I made a wild asparagus frittata on Monday morning, and then I drove home.

And when I got home I discovered that someone had dug up my two orange Icelandic poppies. Just those two. None of the other plants were distrubed. Not even the $50 in forest perennials I had sitting in the back because I hadn't had a chance to plant them yet. And I have only one thing to say about the theft of the Icelandic poppies.

Doodz! Heroin. UR doing it wrong.


Wild Asparagus Frittata

olive oil
1 cup wild asparagus, chopped
3 green onions, chopped
1 small zuchinni, sliced
1/4 cup yellow bell pepper, diced
8 large eggs
1/2 cup milk
1/2 cup cheese
1 T Sunny Paris seasoning (from Penzy's)
salt and pepper to taste

Use a cast iron or other oven safe pan for this recipe. It also helps if you have a family member who has incredible skills for hunting the wiley asparagus. Store bought asparagus is good, but wild asparagus is great.

Pre-heat oven to 350.

On the stove top, put about a tablespoon of olive oil in the bottom of the cast iron fry pan and toss in your veggies over medium heat. Let them cook until they are just starting to get soft. In the meantime, crack eggs into a bowl and add the milk. Stir to mix and add some freshly cracked pepper.

Once the veggies are starting to get soft, add in the Sunny Paris seasoning and some salt. Then pour in the egg and milk mixture. Add half of the cheese and give the mixture a good stir. Then, turn the heat on the stove top to low and let the egg mixture cook very slowly. Leave it alone. Don't stir!

When it is close to set, sprinkle the remaining cheese on top and stick in the oven for about 15 minutes, or until a butter knife stuck in it comes out clean.

Note: I used colby cheese for this recipe, as it was that or pepper jack and I hate pepper jack. I actually think this would be best with a sharp cheddar or a mild nutty swiss, instead.

Leo, 1995-2008

Leo, aka Leo-kins, passed away peacefully tonight, after a nearly four year battle against an undiagnosable gastrointestinal illness that resisted all forms of treatment. He faced his illness with great braveness and general good humor, remaining loving until the very end.

Leo was born in early winter, the only offspring of a teen mom who stopped feeding him not long after his birth. He survived due to the loving ministrations of a dairy farmer near Boyceville, WI, until he was adopted by me in late December of 1995.


He was originally adopted to be a companion to Pele the Empress, who initially hated him and attempted to kill him on multiple occasions through application of feline crushing.


Eventually, she got over her jealousy and became his staunch protector and cuddle friend.

Leo lived his early years in the city of Chicago, and nearly became the center of a custody dispute with a roommate who was angry that he was moving with me to northern Wisconsin, following her stay and eventual release from a psychiatric facility.

Throughout his life, Leo remained strictly an indoor kitty. In his life, he escaped to the outdoors three times. The first, while he was living as a foster kitty with his grandma Shirley. The second involved an ill-advised wandering onto a second story roof in the middle of January. The last time he escaped, he hid under the neighbor's front porch and had to be rescued via utilization of a long-handled rake.

Leo was a well-traveled kitty, living in three states and multiple cities. He flew on an airplane, took more rides in a car than can be counted, and charmed passengers on the T.


His favorite hobbies involved snuggling, eating houseplants and flowers, chasing bugs, and talking with the divine. His favorite foods included brats boiled in beer, tuna, popcorn (butter, no salt) and milk.

I think the most important thing I can say about Leo is that he was simple. His heart was so big, it hardly left room for a brain. And it didn't matter. He loved fiercely and indiscriminately. He had a special fondness for wounded individuals. He always knew when you needed a head butt and a hug. He greeted me everyday, when I came home from work. I will so miss his sweet innocence, and I can only hope that someday, my heart will stop breaking.

Leo Update

Leo has been on a chemotherapy level steroid treatment for the last few days. He is more alert and appears to have more energy, but I can feel all his bones under his skin and his diarrhea has gotten worse. It is pure liquid now. He is insisting on sleeping under the covers now, something he never does, and Pele is hovering over him very protectively. She doesn't even fight him for the coveted boob snuggling position. He is having trouble keeping himself clean and is very unsteady on his feet. I talked with the vet this morning and she said that if the medicine was going to help hm, it would have done so by now and that I have done all that I can do.

So, he has lost his fight. She wanted to know if I was ready to bring him in today, and I have to say no. I think I will bring him in at the end of the day Thursday, so I can take Friday off to cry.

You Have Got To Be Kidding Me

When I was at the store today getting Leo's clam juice, I came across this in the pet aisle:

Yes, the obesity epidemic has spread to the family dog. Yeah right. This is pathetic.

And to help the concerned pet owner even more, the company provides a handy dandy calorie guideline chart:
How soon before there is a BMI chart for dogs?

Today's Episode, in which Leo Objects to Bubble Gum Flavor

Leo is on steroids, which are actually quite expensive. I am busily looking at ways to claim him as a dependent on my medical savings account, but that may be difficult. Not to mention illegal.

Anyway, he has to have 2 ml of 'roids twice a day. I started out just trying to squirt the liquid into his mouth using a syringe, but his penchant for injuring humans when receiving medical care came to the forefront and he object most violently to my attentions. His dislike of the syringe technique is no doubt intensified by the fact that his medicine is bubble gum flavored, as Wally World did not have any special tuna flavored 'roids.

So I have been thinking about how I can get around this without having to go to the emergency room myself, and so I stopped off and purchased a bottle of clam juice. He likes fish, and I figured that the clam might overpower the bubble gum.

I got it home and opened it up and Leo was in the kitchen like a bolt of lightning and circling around my feet making the loudest pleas for yumminess that I have ever heard from him. I let him taste the juice of my finger, and he was licking his chops. So, I got his special wet food bowl, that he knows is his bowl for getting a delicious treat, and mixed the 'roids in which the clam juice. I put it on the floor and he lapped lapped lapped. And then he stopped with a mrup of surprise. Bubble gum flavor strikes again.

But he really really really wanted that clam juice, so he would have a slurp and then run away. And then come back. He is currently running up to it, sticking his paw in, licking his paw, paw in, lick, paw in, lick, run away. If I can get a picture, I will. I have never seen him act so silly in his entire life.

Thank You, Dr. Swanson

This morning at 9, I had an hour long consult with Dr. Laurie Swanson at Waukegan Pet Clinic. Dr. Swanson is a large and comforting take no nonsense kinda of person - my favorite type of person in the whole world. She reminds me a lot of my internist in Massachusetts, Dr. Oberst, who I adored beyond belief. Despite the fact that her office is not fancy, she is very up on cutting edge health issues for animals and yet also knows how to find a nice balance between what is right for the cat and what is right for the person, while being compassionate for both. I wish I could have found her two years ago, before we got into the clutches of the cat only clinic.

We spent a lot of time going over Leo's medical records, his history as a barn rescue, his reactions to various medications, his penchant for bodily injury (human) when receiving medical attention, etc etc. I told her how bad things have gotten in the last three weeks, including his forays onto the stove and his disinterest in just about everything and his accidents. She told me she thought I had made the right decision not to have the biopsy done last year because it is too invasive for an already fragile and elderly cat, which meant a lot to me as the other vet had made me feel guilty for not agreeing to do it. She did mention that they are seeing a new parasitical infection in cats that could be causing his problems, but that it is so rare and they have not yet discovered any way to treat it that it does not make sense to pursue it as a reasonable line of inquiry.

We spent a long time talking about the other two options - euthanasia and one last attempt at medication. I told her about the coversation I had with Leo and she told me she has those conversations with her cats, as well, and that it is generally right to listen to them. And I thought I was doing really well, until one of the clinic cats came in the room and jumped on my lap and headbutted me and I dissolved into a milksop and bawled.

And the vet said, "Leo may be ready but you aren't. Let me make a suggestion. Among vets, we like to say in cases like this that no one should die without the benefit of steroids." She recommended a two week course of steroids for several reasons. First, it will tell us if there is any realistic hope. The steroids will either lead to an immediate downturn in his health, in which case he is untreatable and his passing is inevitable, and the best thing I can do is ease his suffering. Or he will have an upswing, and two weeks will show us if the upswing makes enough of an improvement to his quality of life that it makes sense to pursue this as a long-term course of treatment. And finally, it is the last reasonable course of action that I can take that doesn't involving dipping into my (admittedly meager) life savings, and her feeling is that by the end of it, I will be able to come to a point where I can say I did all I could do, I did all that I should have done as a good cat mom, and I am ready to let go now.

Before I left, she also said one last thing that made me feel a lot better. Leo has never been a normal cat. He has always been pretty fragile. And the vet said that for a cat to come from Leo's background and to live as long as he has with most of those years without any serious medical issues is very rare and that I must be doing something right. She also complimented me on having raised another even older kitty who is as strong as an ox and with the attitude of a despot.

And who can't like a vet who uses the word "despot"?

Leo Update

So, I have finally managed to get Leo's medical records from the evil cat vet here in Illinois, who has been nothing but obnoxious and unhelpful. Sadly, they are woefully incomplete and don't include the actually test results for the $2000 in tests I had done on him in 2007. Rather, there are just yes and no answers that I am sure our new vet will find mostly useless and then I imagine she will want to redo all those tests. And since it would be the 5th time I have had all these tests run since this whole saga began three and a half years ago, I think I am going to tell her no.

Unlike previous annual downswings, which were bad for a week or so and then improved, Leo has simply gotten worse and worse. He crouches like he is hurting. He is starting to have what in gently referred to as "anal leakage." I know he is having at least six explosive BMs a day, because he has at least that many when I am home. He acts like he is freezing. I was using the oven the other day and got him sleeping on top of the stove, obviously trying to get warm. He doesn't play at all anymore, not even with his fur mouse, which he adores beyond comprehension (although he did have some excessive interest in a centipede that wandered through the living room last weekend).

I asked myself, even if I can put him on some steroids or find some new miracle medication, is his quality of life going to improve enough to make it worth while? And then I asked myself, do you really think you are the one who should answer that question? So I decided to ask Leo.

We had a heart to heart last night. I put him on the bed and looked him in the eyes and told him I was concerned. I asked him what he wanted. He told me he likes reiki. I asked him if he thought that would heal him enough that he didn't have to clean his ass at least six times a day, and he thought about it and said that it would just make him feel calmer but not help him get better. And then he got very still, in only that very still way that Leo can get, and his eyes suddenly looked so weary. And he told me he thought he was ready, even if I wasn't. And then he closed his eyes and curled up in a tiny ball and went to sleep. Pele came over and groomed his ears. And I cried. I've been crying a lot lately.

Tomorrow, I have a consult with the vet at 9 am. I will let you all know what the decision is.

More Memes!

I like me some memes.

The rules are that all the answers have to start with the same letter as does your first name.

1. What is your name? Heather
2. A four-letter word: Hate
3. A vehicle: Honda
4. A city: Helsinki
5. A boy's name: Henry
6. A girl's name: Hillary
7. Alcoholic drink: Hurricane
8. An occupation: Hot dog vendor
9. Something you wear: Hijab
10. A celebrity: Hugh Grant
11. A food: Haricot vert
12. Something found in a bathroom: Heater
13. Reason for being late: Headache
14. Something you shout: Huzzah!
15. An animal: Horse
16. A body part: Hand

A Fun Meme

1. Pick up the nearest book of 123 pages or more. No cheating!
2. Find page 123.
3. Find the first five sentences.
4. Post the next three sentences.
5. Tag five people.

So I am currently rereading Stiffed by Sunsa Faludi, but that is at home on top of the laundry hamper in my bathroom, so no go there. And here at the office I am overwhelmed by a plethora of books all within equidistance, as I keep nearly all my femnist theology books here for easy access, in case a student ever asks a question (hahahahahahahahaha). So I shall select the book closest to me that has nothing to do with my work and I have no idea why it is even at the office.

Curry: A Tale of Cooks & Conquerors by Lizzie Collingham

A train of 850 camels, 140 elephants, 250 horses, and 12,000 personnel stretched across the plain for ten miles, raising a cloud of dust that must have been visible for miles. This was travel in the style of the Mughal emperors, whose effect as they passed over the country was that of a plague of locusts. Besides the damage done to the farmers' fields, the Mughal camp would requisition all available food to supply the entourage and leave hunger and misery behind them.

Oh Hell No!

I could believe my eyes when I saw this today as I was checking the business section. Didn't the last eight years with the drinking-buddy-in-chief do anything to convince us that what we most want is a president that we DON'T want to drink with? I mean come on, people! Don't even go down this road? Don't even ask this question!



For The Boston Globe online:

The text reads:

Which candidate would you want to have a drink with?

• Hillary Clinton. I think she’d speak candidly and also with warmth, especially around the fifth beer.
• Barack Obama. I think he’d be inspirational and you could use a guy like that to convince the bartender to give you one more past last call.
• John McCain. His war record is bound to get us lots of free rounds.
• None. I wouldn't want to have a drink with any of them.

I've Been Tagged

Here's the rules:
A) The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.
B) Each player answers the questions about himself or herself.
C) At the end of the post, the player then tags five people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read your blog.

1) Ten years ago I was: hmmm, let's see. That would be 1998. I was working as a reporter for a small community newspaper and contemplating what to do next. I was applying to graduate schools as a just in case.

2) Five things on today's to do list: 1) deep clean at least one room in my house. 2) make something for dinner that is large enough to provide leftovers for lunch. 3) call Leo's old vet and get the records for his last exams so we can go to a new vet. 4) call The Women's Union and tell them to stop sending me donation appeals. 5) Finish a mini-proposal for internal funding for an outside collaboration.


3) Things I do if I were a billionaire: Ah, I used to play this game with a friend, and even at my most wasteful, I would never spend more than 500 million. Most of my dreams involve paying off bills and buy my mom a nice place to live that has no stairs. I would buy myself and my sweety a home in the country. Would travel some. Would give to charity. All the standards. I am not terribly exciting in this regard.

4) Three bad habits: 1. Perfectionism. 2. Too impatient. 3. Driving too fast.

5) Five places I've lived: Wheeler, WI; Lake Forest, IL; Somerville, MA, Attleboro, MA; and Waukegan, IL.

6) Five jobs I've had in my life: high school summer janitor; safety eyeglass salesperson; filling clerk for fungus samples; journalist; grantwriter.

If you read this, consider yourself tagged.

How Long Before There Are Bread Lines?

The AP reported this afternoon that Sam's Club has started limiting the amount of rice that customers can purchase at any one time:

Sam's Club, the membership warehouse division of Wal-Mart Stores Inc., is limiting how much rice customers can buy because of what it calls "recent supply and demand trends." Sam's Club says it will limit customers to four bags at a time of Jasmine, Basmati and long grain white rice. Rice prices have been hitting record highs recently on worries about tight supplies.

This is incredibly bad news. For many poor folks, rice is often the food of last resort. It is generally cheap and plentiful. Rice can often be purchased when you can't afford to purchase anything else. White rice, while not super nutritious, will at least fill the belly.

Combine this news with other bad food news, and the situation starts to look Great Depression bad. For the last couple of years, the costs of lentils and dulses has skyrocketed, due to short supplies from India. For a time, in fact, India had stopped all export of lentils due to lack of supply.

We all know the price of wheat has gone up incredibly recently. For bakers, 50 pound bags of flour have gone up to (last check) $58 - more than 3 times what it was at the start of the year. According to King Arthur Flour Company, prices are likely to come down - eventually - but they will never be low again. Last week, a loaf of whole grain bread was giong for $3.29.

Some bulk food places are not even selling flour anymore. There are shortages on other grains as well. One place I regularly look at has no access to barley or quinoa at the moment.

Beans are still relatively cheap, but for how long? Potatoes are also being touted as the new poor economy food. Have none of these people ever heard of the Great Potato Famine?

A large portion of this problem is related to the cost of oil and therefore the cost of gas and diesel. The problem is compounded by the fact that a huge portion of the world's corn supply is being funneled into ethanol production - not only is there less corn meal to eat but a huge percentage of crop land is being diverted to grow corn specifically for ethanol.

As prices continue to spiral out of control, more and more people are going to have a hard time making ends met, buying food, or, heck, even getting to work.

On a personal level, I am trying several things. First, if I can ever get the damn sod up or find someone to help, I will be putting in a large garden. I will be stocking up on beans before their prices go bonkers. I think another 25 pound bag of rice from the Asian market would be a good investment right now. I am hoping to sell my car - either outright or at least trade it in for a smaller car that gets better mileage. As gas goes up, I will stop driving at all - I am just at the tipping point where it would be cheaper to park the car in the garage and get a Metra pass than it is to buy gas ($95 a month for a pass Waukegan to Lake Forest vs $64 a tank of gas (16 gallons at $4 a gallon)). I fill up about every 2-3 weeks, right now.

Hell, it would be cheaper to keep a horse. And I could eat it if things got really bad...

See, beyotch, better listen to me next time. I'm a supersoft early warning system!

EARTHQUAKE!!!!


So, my cats have been acting strangely the last couple of days. Pele in particular has been driving me absolutely bonkers. Refusing to leave my side. Crawling down my nightgown. Jumping, and yes I do mean actually jumping, on my head in the middle of the night. Racing through the house like a mad fiend. She even attacked Leo last night, with her tail all puffed like she was pissed and meant business.

All this is totally unlike her. She can be playful and obnoxious but nothing as bad as this. And she will wrestle with Leo but she never initiates it. She is very protective. This behavior was completely out of character. This was naughtyness to the nth level.

This morning in the wee hours, I woke to both of the beasties in bed with me, crying as if the world were ending, trying to burrow into my skin. And then the house started to rattle, just a little bit, kind of like it does if the furnace is really cranking and sets the pipes to shaking. Which was strange as I have the furnace turned very low this time of year and I knew it wasn't on.

So I listened. Maybe the trash truck had flipped over outside my house. Maybe the neighbor's son had his bass turned extra special loud just for my morning listening pleasure. And then it stopped. I smelled no smoke and heard no sirens and the cats had mostly settled down so I turned over and went back to sleep. When I left for work this morning, Leo was curled in a ball on his favorite spot on the raditor - the one where he can be warm and watch birds. Pele was zonked out in the front window with her head in her favorite plant.

In the way to work this morning, I found out the reason for the strange behavior and the rattling during the wee hours. We had an earthquake! 5.4 - decent sized if not California-grand.

Because for some reason, I keep thinking today is October 23rd

Updates

I had a good talk with the vet this afternoon and she had several suggestions, based on cost and likely outcome. I am not ready to digest everything right now and so she sent me a list and volunteered to give me kitty sedatives so I can actually get Leo there without him having a heart attack or killing a small child. So I am going to make an appointment, and we are going to work together on deciding if it makes sense to try and prolong his life, how hard it would be on him and my pocketbook, and how much life the old boy still has in him. She said he does sound like the worst case like this she has ever heard of, and was even more concerned that he is becoming allergic to special foods as quickly as he has been. Anyway, much to think about.

Since I am in need of a laugh, please enjoy the following... watch all the way to the end, when my favorite - cock-flavoured soup - makes an appearance.

What Should I Do?

How do you know when it is time to euthanize an animal, a cat friend you have raised since he was a wee thing?

Leo is really struggling again. Nothing I feed him seems to help. He acts like he is starving to death. This last week he has been struck with explosive diarrhea. I come home to 4-5 accidents a day. I need to get a SpotBot to clean the carpet. I woke this morning at 4 am to the sound of shit being sprayed not a foot from my head. I have lost 3 pairs of shoes.

I can't find a vet to do a house call. He is vet phobic from all the visits we have had in the last four years. None of the food seems to help. Antibiotics help for a short while. But I am told that chronic diarrhea in some cats is nearly impossible to diagnose and treat. I just sent an email to the vet closest to my houses in hopes she might have some suggestions, but I don't have much hope. Just a whisper.

I am crying as I type this because I can't even believe that I am thinking about putting him to sleep. I ask myself if it is really because he is in pain and in decline or am I just feeling selfish and inconvenienced. I just don't know what to do.


Leo is almost 13. He has been fragile all his life. He probably should never have lived at all. His mother stopped feeding him when he was very young. Do I just say, he has had a good life, better than anything he could have had if we hadn't come together, but now it is time for him to pass? Am I being a selfish, horrid person? And if I have him euthanized because it is the right thing to do, how do I get through this?

National Poetry Month

Brave Sir Robin has done several posts in honor of National Poetry Month. Go over to his place and check it out. Today's challenge is to leave a comment in haiku!

Dear readers may not realize that yours truly was actually quite a good poet at one point in her youth. And this is not even my own thinking. Yours truly was published and everything. But I stopped writing after college, because I found it emotional destructive. And I undertook an expository writing career, and really, it is too damn hard to write all day and then write when I get home. Nowadays, when I think I should get started on writing again, I lean more towards short stories and novels. And, someday, someday, I might actually do one!

In honor of National Poetry Month and my own history, please enjoy this poem. It plays off of my interests in using mythology for women's empowerment, reclaiming, if you well, and feminist mythmaking. In college, I wrote a lot of poems focusing on mythology and even self-published a little chap book called Divinity (2 whole copies!). I also did a series on depression in spring time, some of which are quite good. If I find them, I will try to share them. This particular poem here, I originally wrote in English and then translated it into Latin. I think the Latin version is better. It is more lyrical and there are some Latin words that have their own special power, words we don't have in English. For example, "flores meis in crinis sicut in noctis umbris taedae flamantur." The literal translation in English is "The flowers in my hair like torches flamed in the dark shadows ." Very Yoda-esque. But, for those who know any Latin, a taeda (taedae, pl) is the torch used during the wedding processional.


Persephone

There had never been shadow
until the ground split
and a man and his chariot
rushed onto the field like something
spilling from the bowels of the earth.
Flesh burned from my bones
as he took me into
the underworld and the flowers
in my hair flamed like torches
in the gloom. I thought
everything lost, no more
dances or maidenhood. I thought
I would die in the arms of the king.
But a hunger ached my belly;
each pomegranate seed
I ate filled me, and I
knew this was
the first moment I had
lived. My life opened
to the dark like a moonflower.
I became a queen.


Proserpina

Numquam fuerat umbra
dum terra se scidit
et vir currusque
sicut aliquid ex terrae
visceris efundens
ad campum cucurrerunt.
Ossis ex meis caro crematur
dum me ad inferiora duxit
et flores meis in crinis
sicut in noctis umbris
taedae flamantur.
Omnia periri putavi,
non diu chorae virginitasque.
Moriri me regis
in bracchiis putavi.
Sed meo in alvo
erant dolor et fames.
Cum quoque semine puniceo
quem edi eram plena.
Me primum vivi
hoc in momento scivi.
Ad tenebras nigras
aperta est vita mea
sicut lunae flos.
Regina fio.

Dammit

So the person who was going to start my seeds has had a minor meltdown and now wants me to buy my own seed starting kit, start the seeds, and then bring them over once they are a certain size to bask under the grow lights.

Which seems totally stupid to me. Especially as I was going to share my seeds with him, if Burpee ever sends them to me.

And now I have two choices: send back all the seeds I bought and order plants or buy my own seed starting kit and try to figure out where to put it that the cats won't destroy it and start seeds. Forget the whole bringing them over to under the grow lights. That is an extra step I won't pursue.

And why do I get this feeling that this is the universe sending me some sort of a damn message about trust and responsibility?

*grumbles*

Teh Funny, Teh Horror!

So, I was driving a friend to the train station Tuesday night and on our way, there was a lot of activity around a house near campus and a cop car across the road, and I had to take a detour to get to my destination.

Says I: Must be some major construction project going on over there? Street work, maybe?
Says He: Oh no! They're shooting a movie ... Unborn, something like that.


Now, totally exciting! So when I got home, I looked it up on IMDB and here is the follow up exchange:

Me: Dude, we gotta stalk this movie. Gary Oldman is in it!
Him: Is it a remake?
Me: there's very little info on IMDB.... just that the hero is a young woman being haunted by spirits and a small cast listing....but there are a million movies or so it seems titled the Unborn
Him: Girlfriend, you can have Gary. I'll take Cam Gigandet...
Me: yeah! everyone's happy!
Him: You know, there are quite a few horror movies filmed in Lake Forest.
Me: Maybe that is because Lake Forest is a horror movie and the directors know that they will save a gazillion dollars on special effects by shooting here.......
Him: That's exactly what I was thinking.


So, anyway, I may do some gentle stalking of Gary Oldman, but not too much as the LFPD is brutal, man, and have so little to do with their time I would no doubt be tazed to a briquette. It would be a good follow-up to my stalking of Patrick Stewart at a play he did here in Chicago back in the 90s (said stalking involving a bunch of us standing around wondering if we should try to stalk Patriack Stewart) and my more recent stalking of Sean Penn during the filming of Mystic River.

Mystic River was filmed in East Boston at the same time I was working at a small agency there and we got to see a lot of the action. One day, I decided to try and get a picture. Why not? So I went over and snapped a picture in which all you could see was a bunch of observers' heads and then a bodyguard came over.

Bodyguard: Miss? Mr. Penn would appreciate it if you would refrain from taking photos.
Me: Yes, sir!

Because, really, who wants to piss off Sean Penn?

Advice on Gardening

Little Merry Sunshine asked for some gardening advice in comments on my last post and I thought I would go ahead and just make a post of it.

First off, I will say that while not a newby, I have not often gardened all by my lonesome. I have normally gardened with mia madre, Garden Goddess, who can make things grow simply by looking in their direction. When I was growing up, we relied on our garden for much of our food - in addition to gleaning, wild food gathering, and hunting, fishing, and bunny raising, as well as an occassional Little Red (aka the pig).

But like LMS, I need to stretch my budget, and gardening can hopefully help with that this year.

So, here is my advice to beginning gardeners, who maybe just want to do a few basic items.

Easy things to grow that you can plant fairly early in the spring are lettuce, spinach, swiss chard - early greens. You will be able to eat those within 30 days of planting, and the nice thing is that you can often do a second planting in order to get a second crop in the fall. With many lettuces, you can also just cut them instead of pulling them out by the root and they will keep growing, just like hair.

I use a French intensive method for greens, which means I don't plant in rows. Rather, I mix the seeds with a little potting soil and spread that in a specific area - so they grow in patches rather than rows.

If you wait until the soil is consistently about 65 degrees, another easy crop to grow for the beginner is green beans. Make a little row by mounding some soil in a hump and then poke in a green bean seed ever 3-5 inches or so. With 45 days, green beans. Voila! Keep picking your beans and you will get multiple crops. Also, plant your green beans near your tomatos as some bugs that like tomatos don't like green beans and will stay away. Snow peas are also easy.... plant them in a little hump again, but give them a trellis they can climb on. And soon you will have a tasty addition for stir fry.

Peppers are also easy, if you get them as plants from the greenhouse. 3 plants will produce more than enough for one person. I personally do not like bell peppers of any color, so I tend to get an Italian style frying pepper, like a marconi or a godfather. I find them more versitile. To plant a pepper plant, dig a good sized hole that will come at least 1 inch up the stem of the plant. Before putting the plant in the ground, put a twist of aluminum foil around the stem. This will prevent cutworms from snipping your gorgeous plant in two once you plant it.

Zuchinni and summer squash are also easy to grow. Just pick which variety looks interesting to you and build a mound of dirt about a foot in diameter and plant five seeds in it in a star pattern. The ditty goes - one for the blackbird and one for the crow and three to grow. This will give you a gazillion zuchinni.

Cukes are grown just like zukes, but be careful that they are no where near each other in your garden space. Otherwise you will get a weird hybrid known as a cuzuke, which is nasty and has happened to me before. When selecting a cuke, you can go two ways: a pickling cuke or a burpless. Pickling cukes need to be picked small or their skins get bitter. They also have minor thorns. Burpless take longer but don't get bitter.

Tomatoes are also easy. But as much as I adore heirloom varieties they can be difficult to grow. Many of them have a far longer required growing season than we have here in the north. So, for the beginner I highly recommend a cherry type tomato, a Roma style tomato like an Amish Paste, and an Early Girl variety. Look to see that they will produce fruit no later than 70 days past planting from seedlings. Otherwise, you won't get maters until September.

In September, go ahead and do a second round of greens - kale, spinach, chard, etc. Also plant garlic at this time. It is so easy. Just plant it in the fall and in the spring it will come up. You can eat the little green shoots... they are called scapes. Then, in mid summer you can dig up the bulbs, and voila! Garlic. Softnecks are better for immediate eating. Hardnecks are better for long storage (check out The Garlic Store online for planting stock later in the summer).

I am growing the following in the garden this summer: Muskmelon (a variety that claims to be ready for harvest in 68 days - we will see); miniture spaghetti squash, red noodle beans, poona kheera cukes, deer tongue lettuce, parsnips (this is a crop I can leave in the ground during winter, if I mulch it well), cilantro, dill, a varity of basil, nasturtium (edible flower), eggplant, red lettuce, carrots, swiss chard, napa cabbage, radishes, cutting celery (the plant is bread to just grow leaves and not stalks), Italian flat green beans, snow peas, summer squash mix (three types), cosmos (for the pretty), morning glories (also for pretty), orange mama paste tomato, tangerine mama paste tomato, Italian ice cherry tomato, honeybunch cherry tomato, razzle dazzle, tomato, red lightning tomatoe, chocolate cherry tomatoes, ruby red sweet corn, hot lemon peppers (I hope - something on my order is backordered and I am afraid it might be this), violas, double feature cukes, Italian frying peppers, Ancho chilis, Lakota winter squash, okra and leeks. And maybe bok choi and spinach, for a fall planting. In fall, I will also be planting shallots and garlic, so that I can start harvesting them in early spring.

Mia madre is going to grow the following at her house for family sharing : sweet potatoes, swedish peanut potatoes, and daisy gold potatoes.

Some thing I would never attempt to grow here - watermelons, many of the longer season melons and winter squashes, anything that is a more common food in the south than it is in the north, anything requiring a growing season longer than 80 days - unless it is something specifically designed to be a late fall crop, like pumpkins.

Today's Episode, in Which Heather Reflects on the State of the World


It has been an interesting week.

I am still picking up glass from my broken window, but the high spot of that situation is that at least the snow is melting enough so that I can actually find the pieces.

I ordered seeds and the first batch was shipped this morning. I ordered seeds from six different companies, and apparently one order didn't make it through or something, so now I am deciding if I want to reorder or say screw it to eggplants, carrots, snow peas, and a few other herb/floral type items. I might say screw it and just see what the greenhouse has in May. Now comes the fun part - ripping off nearly half the sod on my lawn in order to till and then plant. If only the snow would go away so that I could take a good stab at it while the ground is still very wet and easier to break up with a shovel.

Gas when I went home last night was $3.13 a gallon. This morning? $3.45.

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahhaha hahahahahahahahaha hahahahah ha and ha.

Yeah right. If it wouldn't ruin my credit, I would be tempted to call the bank and say, "Please take the eggplant back. Thank you." A monthly Metra pass and a membership in ZipCar, however inconvinient, would be a heck of a lot cheaper than car payment, gas, and insurance.

Speaking of credit, my insurance situation came to a head yesterday as the hospital started to play nasty. Just to refresh your memory, in December I had to have an MRI and an echo because my doc thought I might have had a stroke. She faxed a bunch of papers off and I schedule the appointment for the test at the hospital. A couple of weeks after my test, the insurance company paid for the echo but not the MRI, despite the fact that both tests were ordered on the same day. They say they required prior notification which they had not received.

Well, yesterday, the hospital decided to try and collect the whole amount from me. Threatened to go to collections with it. So I went and threw myself on the mercy of Human Resources and she called the insurance company. Turns out, it is the hospital's fault. Even if the doc didn;t send notification, the hospital should have. As a result, I have no liability. I pay nothing. Still the insurance company was going to do an "intervention" with the hospital to get them to leave me alone and also told me I should just check in with a neurologist without going through my family doctor, considering that I am still having symptoms.

Anyway, I am exhausted and crabby and ready for another vacation! Ha and ha

My New Favorite Emoticon

I first learned it from JJohonson over at Shakesville....

it's great. Can you guess what it means?

t(-.-t)

Winter Needs To Be Over, Right Now

So work let us out at 3 pm today, which is a little silly as the roads were already horrid and it took me an hour to drive 8 miles. I got home and managed to get in my drive way, but am now apparently stuck in the snow, or rather, on top of the snow with no movement except slipping towards the chain link fence happening. Not even when I rock it back and forth. So I threw a bunch of salt under the car and around the tires and shoveled as best I can, hoping that the trickle down theory of salt melting snow will melt the snow enough to help me get moving . Then I proceeded to go into the house, only to discover that the glass in my front screen door has broken. Loverly. I mean the only thing that would make this better is if the car is still stuck on Monday and I can't get out of the driveway. I mean, thank goodness I have bread and milk in the house and didn't promise to go to see the Vagina Monologues on campus tomorrow.

I mean seriously now. Winter needs to be over. Right now.

Today's Episode, in which Heather Gets a Man for Her Birthday

So my birthday was last Thursday, March 13. I spent the day cleaning and lazing around, preparing for something that could have been either wonderful or horrid. Luckily for all involved, it turned out better than wonderful

Back in summer, as the result of a series of fortunate accidents, I began talking with another blogger (Boxer Rebellion) via email (read the whole story here).

Our first email exchange was rather amusing:

Him: Oh and by the way, the picture of you from your family reunion with your face in the watermelon, so very cool. I was going to post a comment when I first saw it, but since I didn't want to come off as some skeezy boy who was trying to hit on you, which I am and would have been, and your mother reads your blog, I just held my tongue till now.

Me: I wish I could say I was the woman in the watermelon. That is actually a cousin, a few times removed (I really need a road map at our family reunions). Our hair is about the same color, but that is about it. I wish it were me. She is wonderfully beautiful. And, honestly, my mom would be totally thrilled to have a boy, skeezy or not, hit on me, especially in public. She's become utterly convinced that I am going to die a stereotypical cat lady......

So we have been emailing and IMing everynight since then and just really clicked. But one never knows what will happen in person. So last Thursday, Boxer flew up here and we had the big meeting. Could we stand each other? Did we smell right? Was there any chemistry? Could we get along?

And the answers are: absolutely, oh yeah, oh baby, and you bet!

So, in June, we are going to take the next step and move in together, here in the Waukegan abode. And I for one will be so happy that we can hold hands and really talk and not type at each other!


And for everyone who has been through relationship hell (like I have been and like, I know, some of my readers have been), don't give up hope because someone wonderful might fall into your blog or your email when you least expect it.



PS. Moving is damn expensive, so if you are so inclined to give a small donation to help with moving expenses, please drop me a line! We would be thankful, and you will receive one of my infamous cookie recipes (yet to be published) in gratitude!

Easter Is Amusing

Not being a Christian, I don't normally celebrate Christian holidays, but, really, if a holiday involves food, chances are that I am there. No matter what faith. I even enjoyed visiting the Hari Krishnas and their services because they always fed you afterwards. I greatly enjoy Hannukah and Passover. Christmas not so much, but both Thanksgiving and Easter are just fine. I have even been to Eid celebrations as well as various Hindi celebrations, must of which I can't remember the name of.... Pagans, of course, always have huge potlucks at any gathering.

So, this year for Easter, I am all by myself. The College isn't doing anything special, like a brunch. And while I normally would do a little Easter something just on my own, I really don't feel like making a giant ham (a giant ham being the only thing in my freezer) although I might suck it up and make some roasted garlic mashed taters and some asparagus (asparagus being my spring harbinger). I won't be coloring eggs or making buckets of egg salad. And while I might eat some Easter chocolate, I frankly find most Easter candy to be foul. Especially Peeps. Peeps are evil, Disgusting. Bad. But also funny.... Let me demonstate.


see more crazy cat pics

Movie Quote Meme

Since everyone else is doing it, I will, too! Here goes:
Instructions: Look up 15 of your favorite films on IMDb and take a quote from each. List them below. When someone guesses the quote correctly, cross it off the list. Leave a comment with your answers. And NO CHEATING.

Here's the rest because apparently I only have two readers now, who I think are probably tired of this game and would like some new and more interesting game!

1. About a Boy
3. Mixed Nuts
4. G.I. Jane
5. O Brother, Where Art Thou?
7. Alien
11. I Spit on Your Grave
14. Bagdad Cafe
15. Independence Day


1. The thing is, a person's life is like a TV show. I was the star of The Will Show. And The Will Show wasn't an ensemble drama. Guests came and went, but I was the regular. It came down to me and me alone. If Marcus' mum couldn't manage her own show, if her ratings were falling, it was sad, but that was her problem. Ultimately, the whole single mum plotline was a bit complicated for me. (hint- British film based on a book; killer soundtrack; Single Parents Alone together)

2. I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve. (Fellowship of the Ring - Sir Robin)

3. Just remember that in every pothole there is hope. Well, you see, pothole is spelled P-O-T-H-O-L-E. So if you take the P, and add it to the H, the O, and the E, and rearrange the letters... or contrariwise, you remove the O, T, and the L, you get "hope". So, just remember, in every pothole there is hope! (hint- Steve Martin Christmas indie; has a dead body, a Christmas tree, and Parker Posey)

4. To them you're just the new nigger on the block, that's all. Maybe you just moved in a little too early. (hint- this film got me through grad school; great feminist flick; it's a military flick staring my favorite piece of cinematic eye candy)

5. Them syreens did this to Pete. They loved him up and turned him into a horny toad. (hint - based on Greek mythology; another killer soundtrack; it's the noly movie I have ever liked that has starred George Clooney)

6. I think the message to, uh, psychos, fanatics, murderers, nutcases all over the world is, uh, "do not mess with suburbanites". Because, uh, frankly we're just not gonna take it any more. Ya know, we're not gonna be content to look after our lawns and wax our cars, paint out houses. We're out to get them, Don, we are out to get them. (The 'Burbs - Sir Robin)

7. Come on, cat. (hint- last spoken line of a great sci fi classic; first of three sequels; featured designs by Giger)

8. Wake up! Time to die! (Blade Runner - Sir Robin)

9. Congratulations, liars! You know who you are and you know who you want. Aint nothin' gonna change that, shit! (hint- comedy based on a truly tragic right wing religious belief and 2-4-6-8! Richard Moll stars as a gay dad) (But I'm a Cheerleader - Boxer Rebellion)

10. Everything. OK! I'll talk! In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog... When my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out... But the worst thing I ever done - I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa - and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life. (hint- ensemble cast, pirates, mobsters, and Baby Ruth) (The Goonies - Boxer Rebellion)

11. Total submission. That's what I like in a woman - total submission. (hint - 70s feminist revenge flick... Sir Robin is close; infamous bath masturbation-castration scene)

12. When I was a boy, just about every summer we'd take a vacation. And you know, in 18 years, we never had fun. (hint - best road trip ever. Not! also spawned several sequels and a great theme song by Lindsey Buckingham) (National lampoon's Vacation - Sir Robin)

13. Think big, think positive, never show any sign of weakness. Always go for the throat. Buy low, sell high. Fear? That's the other guy's problem. Nothing you have ever experienced will prepare you for the absolute carnage you are about to witness. Super Bowl, World Series - they don't know what pressure is. In this building, it's either kill or be killed. You make no friends in the pits and you take no prisoners. One minute you're up half a million in soybeans and the next, boom, your kids don't go to college and they've repossessed your Bentley. Are you with me? (Trading Places - Sir Robin)

14. Don't tell me that was it, Arnie! I mean, you gotta be kidding! That what I had you come up here for? I don't believe it! I mean she, she shows up outta nowhere without a car, without a map. She ain't got nothing but a suitcase filled with men's clothing. How come? How come she act so funny like she was gonna stay here forever? And with no clothes?! No! I don't like it! It don't make no sense at all! No, no, no, no, no! It don't make no sense! (hint- this is a kinda lesbian film with Jack Palance; has Bagdad in the title but is not about Iraq)

15. All you need is love, John Lennon, smart man, shot in the back very sad. (Big sci fi flick from summer in the mid-1990s; I saw it at 3 am on July 4)

Some Things Should Not Be Eaten

Next week I have vacation! Even though certain someones at work don't like this, as I should spend time only raising money and not having fun, ever. Too bad! I am going and I ain't checking email and I ain't answering the phone and, although I heard rumors that a faculty member wants to submit a grant next week, they have not talked to me yet, so they might miss their deadline. Ooops. Too bad!

Nice, GG. Be nice! Nice! You raised $75,000 this last week, almost $1.2 million for the year (so far). Be nice! Kind! Go play and have fun...

Well, having fun for me involves food - shopping for it, cooking it, eating out, bringing food to other people. And since I am having visitors who have never really visited Chicago (well, I haven't visited Chicago all that much despite living just north of it), I thought it might be fun to visit some ethnic restaurants. I was noodling around the intertubes and found an interesting Malaysian place called, naturally, Penang.

There's some good looking stuff on the menu - lemongrass crab, chicken and potato red curry, chili tofu, chicken feet with black mushrooms (yum!), but there is also something that I just think should never be eaten.

What might that be, GG? Pig's head? Nope, like that. Intestines? Never had that and not likely to do so, but you want it, knock yourself out. Rather that thing that should never be eaten is a vegetable dish called, lyrically enough, kang kung belacan. Its description?

"Sauteed conscious with spicy malaysian shrimp sauce," bargain priced at only $9.95.

A meme!

1. Go to www.photobucket.com (don't sign in)
2. Type in your answer to the question in the "search" box
3. Use only the first page
4. Copy the html and paste for the answer

1.What's your first name?



2. Where do you live?



3. What is your relationship status?



4. What is your favorite color?



5. Favorite food?



6. What are you listening to right now?



7. What is your favorite movie?



8. Where is your dream vacation?



9. What are you thinking about right now?



10. Who's your best friend?



11. Nickname?



12. Where do you work?



13. What makes you laugh?



14. What are you going to do after this?



15. How do you feel right now?



16. What are your plans for the weekend?



17. What is your favorite thing to do?



18. What school do you go to?



19. What are you addicted to?



20. Whats your best feature?

Cooking Light Cooking Contest

I got my March issue of Cooking Light and they had the rules listed for the 2008 cooking contest. Now, I was totally going to enter last year, but the purchasing of my new home and my move got in the way. So I am totally stoked for this year. I plan to enter at least one recipe in every category, if not more.

The categories are breakfast and starters; sides and salds, dinner entrees, and desserts. Soups are in there somewhere, just not sure in which specific category. The hard thing about this particular contest is that you have to use products from their sponsors. Anyone who knows me knows that I don't use branded products very often. Still the sponsors offer enough general ingredients that I can certainly use a brand as required without any difficulty. The sponsors are Al Fresco sausage, Birds Eye Frozen Veggies, Swansons broth, Eggland eggs, Annie's dressings and marinades, Nakano rice vinegar, Newman's Own pasta sauces, Kerrygold cheese and butter - there might be a couple more but I can't remember them off the top of my head.

Anyway, the hard part is narrowing things down and then doing the testing and getting the recipe submitted. So, is there anything of mine, dear readers, that you have eaten that I have cooked that sticks out in your mind as, "Hey! Heather should work on perfecting that recipe!"

I know I definitely want to work on the Indian-inspired shepherd's pie (which utilizes the spices and ingredients in aloo gobi and I thought that at least one of my many yummy soups (maybe my Asian style homemade ramen or a curried lentil with chard and spicy peppers) and quite possible my Tuscan hummus made with white beans and aleppo pepper or the Asian bolognese made with ground venison or even my Asian sloppy joes made with green lentils. But anything else?

True?

How to make a Heather

Ingredients: 1 part friendliness 1 part humour 3 parts empathy

Method: Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Add emotion to taste! Do not overindulge!

Username:

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

Today's Episode, in Which I Apologize to My Car for Previous Bad Behavior

Dear Car,

You've no doubt heard the unkind things I have said to you. I have spoken ill of your gas mileage to any and all who will listen. I have made not of your unfortunate color and huge ass end. I have given you an unfortunate nickname - The Eggplant - and spoken loudly in your hearing of my greatest desire for the return of my previous car, The Rollerskate. I have no been good about getting you your required maintenance, and, although I know that you need new tires and brakes, I have ignored this fact.

I am sorry. So very sorry.

I learned this last week - during our 18 inches of wind-driven snow, during the roads of glare ice, during the Great Salt Shortage of 2008 - why you exist. You handle incredibly well in snow. You got me to work and home again every day, without incident. You handled every pothole, of which there were many, with grace and agility. I can truly say that without you, I would have been lost this last week.

I promise I will get you in for at least an oil change within the next 30 days, O Eggplant of Harmonious Driving.

And to the asshole in the Chevy Suburban, who decide that 30 mph in a 40 mph zone on glare ice and with 18 inches of snow just wasn't fast enough and decided to pass me on the right, hit a slushy patch and went into the ditch, all I can say is:

No Wonder I Am SAD

Four years ago this very week, I underwent gastric bypass surgery. And while I have mixed feelings about my surgery, I have to say that one positive thing came out of it. I discovered that I have a Vit D deficit that leads to Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).

From the time I was in my early teens, I suffered horribly with depression, often striking me in the winter. I was treated with everything from counseling to interesting drug cocktails, including one doctor who put me on both Paxil and Xanax. Great fun that was. I really enjoyed the visual hallucinations of giant winged needles flying around my bedroom! I was even diagnosed at one point as bipolar because my moods were cyclical and as dysthymic, because I was mostly down all the time. I was also told that I was depressed because I was fat, because of course fat people hate themselves or should hate themselves. Blah blah blah.

And then I moved to the East Coast and I didn't get depressed as often. So something was up. Something was different.

Anyway, when I was preparing for my surgery, I underwent almost 6 months of a variety of testing, including undergoing counseling, where we talked about my battles with depression among other things. They also pulled enough blood out of me to feed a vampire. I mean, 7 of the largest possible sample tubes ever 3 months, at the least. And one of the many tests they ran was vitamin levels. And low and behold, my doctor says, "You have low Vit D. I see here you have depression. Bet you had major problems in the winter when you lived in the Midwest. You have Seasonal Affective Disorder, seasonal depression caused by Vit D deficit, Vit D, which you get from the sun." Well, yes, Ms. Doctor, I did. Very much so. So my doctor advised me to run to the CVS and get a Vit D supplement (dry, 400 IU) and take one tablet daily from November until the end of March. And my depression went almost entirely away. There were still occassional moments of SAD in the deepest, darkest parts of winter and some situational depression, but nothing that felt overwhelming and destructive.

And then, in 2006, I moved back to the Midwest. The first winter was not too awful. I did have to double my Vit D, but I got through it and I felt ok. And then there is the winter of 07-08.

And I am SAD. Very SAD. So SAD I have been thinking of quitting my job and moving to Florida, which is pure insanity, as I loathe Florida. And no damn wonder I am SAD! According to WGN weather, this year has been a damn bad year. We have seen the sixth snowiest winter since they started keeping records 124 years ago. and the heaviest snow months are still coming The Chicago area normally receives 43% sunlight during the winter. This year? a lousy 21%. And the kicker? Since February began, we have only seen 11 minutes of actual sunlight. 11 minutes since the beginning of February. For people with SAD, it is recommended that they get at least 10-15 minutes of exposure to sunlight a day.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

So, Dear Readers, know the I am SAD. And that I am struggling through it. And saving up to get a light box. Because I don't like feeling this way. I can't watch the news without crying like a baby. I cry during movies like Titanic, I am ashamed to admit. I don't think clearly and I tend to embrace escapism. And as the depression deepens, I start to hurt all over my body. So bear with me. It will all be ok eventually. You don't have to try and fix it. Just be nice and listen to me if I need to vent. And if you know somewhere I can go that is a cheap activity that might involve some sort of Vit D producing light, let me know, so I can get my fix.

Today is Voting Day

Last week, I had been threatening not to vote today. I was just unenthused - about life, in general, and about politics, in specific. Honestly, it has been all I can do to get out of bed and coming to work has been incredibly painful. This morning, I woke up and was like, Oh just do it already! You've never not voted. Why break a streak now? Besides, if you don't figure out something that makes getting out of bed worthwhile, you are going to stay and snuggle with the cat too long and then you will be late for work, which will make you sad, and the cycle will continue on and on and you will never find the strength to put your laundry away or oil soap the floors or mail out those cookies, as you promised.

So I quick found my voter registration card and headed down to the local polling place to cast my vote before heading off to work.

What a major difference from voting in Lake Forest! First off, I got to vote in an elementary school rather than a church. The atmosphere was entirely different. I walked up to the door and instead of being greeted by a giant crucifix and a poster claiming that God was watching, I was greeted by a small African-American girl in pigtails who held the door for me and attempted to get me to buy a doughnut. They were doing a fundraiser so that they could renovate their playground. I didn't have enough cash for a doughnut, but I did put a quarter in the cup.

I then walked in the door of the gym and went to the election official and handed her my voter registration card, my license, and a current water bill - all things I had needed in Lake Forest and which were examined with a magnifying glass there. The election official is affronted. "Honey, we don't need those things! Just tell me your name." So I did, and I was in the book, and I signed the slip, and she confirmed that yup, I was indeed Heather Brown, and dear god, honey, where did you get such a signature. I took my ballot and off I went to the little cardboard booth. I filled in my ballot and plopped it in the machine, learned I was the 53rd person to vote today, got my little sticker and a pamphlet about pandemic flu, and headed out.

And what happened next is why it is so important to vote, and why polling places should be in spaces where children can observe.

As I walked out the door, all the little kids were in lines waiting to filter into the building. A little Latino boy sees me come out the door and called out, "Hey lady! Whatcha doing here?" I smiled and said, "I voted today." Upon which all the little kids burst into cheers and yells. I walked away to the sound of applause. And after what has been such a crappy couple of weeks, my heart was truly warmed.

I don't know if my votes today will truly make a difference in the world at large. But they certainly made a difference to some little kids, and, by the time they are old enough to vote, they will be able to bring about change so incredible I will have to stand up and cheer for them.

Yes, All Politics Are Local

Little Merry Sunshine recently put up a post about how there is no escaping that fact that politics are local and that who you support might or might not impact your relationships with your neighbors. Now, her situation is a little funny. She has been blessed with a snow shoveling fairy throughout this horribly snowy winter. She also is likely the only progressive liberal Democrat in a neghborhood of true-blue Republicants. So, her wonder was if she put up a sign supporting her favorite candidate, if her neighborhods would take that as an affront to their conservative sentiments and perhaps cause her kind fairy to vanish into the ether.

Some dear readers might be going, "But, Goddess, it's just a stupid sign." But politics signs in the lawn or being held on the street corner are never just signs. I have seen them leading to yelling matches and, indeed, fisticuffs.

I have always believed that the politic lawn sign is incredibly passive aggressive. I find them lazy. Don't just throw a name at me, people. Why should I give a rat's ass that you support Joe Schomo? Come and talk to me! Tell me why! I might or might not agree with you, but hopefully, we will learn something from our interaction and go away better people. They are also incredibly invasive. If my neighbor has a sign on their lawn, I can't ever not see it. There is no respite.

Which is why I was so incredibly annoyed on Monday morning to come out of my house to discover my lawn had been signed. And not just my lawn, but every single lawn within at least a two block radius.

Democrat Eddie Washington is seeking reelection as the state representative for my district (#60). And it appears that one of his campaign volunteers decided that the best way to get my vote was not to knock on my door and chat with me or give me literature. NO! They felt the best way to win my vote was to trespass on my property and vandalize it. With a frickin sign. That was really hard to pull out of the ground. Dammit.

This signing strikes me as indicative of really bad judgement. As a political figure, Washington should make it clear to his volunteers that this kind of behavior is unacceptable in his campaign. So I will be calling to complain. I will likely be told that it was the work of an over-zealous campaign volunteer. But I also feel it important for Washington to know that this action has had a very negative impact on my feelings about his as my representative.

Open Letter to the Makers of Blue Bunny Dairy Products

Dear Wells Dairy,

I cannot begin to tell you just how pleased I am to have discovered your line of Light (spelled correctly!) yoghurts at a nearby supermarket. I am especially fond of the Light Superfruits, with such strange fruit combinations as white cranberry strawberry and pomegrante acai. I have not yet found one that I did not find singularly delicious, and with such a rich and creamy texture! And I am most pleased about what you don't put into it! No corn syrup and none of that nasty inulin that has become so popular with yoghurt makers lately. I know that inulin is a good thing for most people, being a natural fiber that promotes the absorption of calcium, but, frankely, it gives me the shits. And until I saw your product on the shelf, I had resigned myself to a life of eating only whole milk cream top Brown Cow plain yoghurt, because it was the only stuff I could find without inulin.

Sadly, our country's diet industry might have suggested I stay with the inulin fortified products, as artificially induced diarrhea is supposed to help with weight loss and the whole milk cream top stuff is obviously OMG high in calories, but I just couldn't do it. I have suffered in many attempts to be thin, and I will not do it through laxative yoghurts.

So, Wells Dairy, please keep up the good work!

Sincerely,
Me

You're The Mists of Avalon!

by Marion Zimmer Bradley

You're obsessed with Camelot in all its forms, from Arthurian legend
to the Kennedy administration. Your favorite movie from childhood was "The Sword in
the Stone". But more than tales of wizardry and Cuban missiles, you've focused on
women. You know that they truly hold all the power. You always wished you could meet
Jackie Kennedy.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

with thanks to Jennjer!

A New Meme

I got tagged again - this time it is the 5 things that are in my life that I never would have expected when I was 25.

It will help if I frame this discussion by saying that I was 25 in 1999. It was a momentous year for me. I quit my job as a journalist in northern Wisconsin and moved to Cambridge, MA, to being grad school at Harvard. That being said, this was still very difficult for me, as I realize I didn't have many expectations for my life nine years ago. Not really anyway.

1. I never expected to be working in academia as an administrator, let alone as a fundraiser. In 1999, I still had visions of myself as the brilliant professor or as the superstar academic book editor.

2. I never expected that I would be sad to realize that I feel like I missed out on my real career path as chef. I never even knew it was a career option. When I was younger, there were no chefs. There were only short order cooks working for minimum wage. I am too old now to start at the bottom of a restaurant and work my way up, but perhaps another path will present itself.

3. I never even dreamed that I would move back to the Chicago area, let alone start work for my alma mater. But I am glad I did. Chicago has become very cool, and my alma mater is getting its act together.

4. I never expected that there would come a time when I loathed the deep winter cold with every aching joint in my body.

5. I never would have expected that I would become comfortable with realizing that my presence in the world doesn't really make much of a difference. I'm not superwoman. I am not some big hero. Grand events will not happen in my presence. And I am ok with that.

I am not officially tagging anyone, but if you read this feel free to play along.

Prudie, I Love You!

The following is from slate.com ... and, frankly, I could agree with Prudie more!

Dear Prudence,

I'm 24, and I've been with my boyfriend for about 18 months. We were friends in high school, then met again after college, and started living together almost immediately. We have been talking about marriage lately, which I am beyond excited about; however, my boyfriend has informed me that I need to lose 20 pounds before he will propose. He claims that's the only reason he hasn't asked me yet. In his words, he wants "a hot wife." Am I crazy to think that unconditional and true love still exists? Everything else in our relationship is great. I don't want to walk away from something so wonderful, but this just seems a little ridiculous. Help!

—In Love With Mr. Vain


Dear In Love,

I have a plan that will make both of you happy. It begins with you starting on a new exercise program. Get a comfortable outfit and a pair of excellent workout shoes. Then put all your worldly possession in a suitcase, pick it up, walk out the door, and keep on walking.

—Prudie

Oh My God, How Did They Know?

You Are Thai Food

Trendy yet complex. People seek you out - though they're not sure why.

What Kind of Food Are You?

Yours Truly Really Is Going to Have a Stroke Now

So as some of you dear readers now, I have been having some health concerns lately, bad enough that I actually went to the doctor, something I almost never do. I was having numbess in my face and in my fingers and I was dizzy. I had also been battling a really awful probably sinus infection/sinus pain that I just couldn't shake off. I get to the doc's office and she is very concerned about the numbness and the dizziness, fearful that I have had a mini-stroke, not at all an unreasonable diagnoses considering my family history and the amount of professional stress I have been under lately. So she orders a gazillion blood tests, an echocardiogram, and a brain MRI, which - in her words - is the most conservative course of treatment. So she faxes off the referral form to the hospital, gives me a copy, and sends me off for a prescription for a major antibiotic and super hydrocortizone cream to deal with the hives the antibiotics are going to cause (I get hives from antibiotics). I call the hospital and get scheduled, thinking everything is just great.

Last week I got a notice from the hospital saying I was going to have to pay 20% of my MRI bill, or almost $800. I was freaked. But I can see finding a way to pay that off in a year.

Today, I got a notice from my health insurance that has me in a total panic. Someone somewhere did not tell the insurance company that they had referred me for an MRI and the insurance company is refusing to pay any of it. Not one dime of the $3500.

So I called my doctor to find out what the deal was, and I am waiting to hear back. Her MA had never heard of such a thing. Obviously, the hospital also did not contact the insurance company, although they had a copy of the referral form a week before the tests. And I am afeared I am about to get caught in between the evil medical red tape machines. I will, of course, file an appeal, but I hear from my coworkers that appealing to United Healthcare is like peeing into a wind storm. So I fully expect to be screwed. If so, please be prepared to attend at least one of Heather's Heinous Health benefits, donation in hand...

Here are some new slogans!

I Wish They All Could Be Gourmet Goddess Girls.

http://thesurrealist.co.uk/slogan.cgi" method="get">Enter a word for your own slogan:

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Exceedingly Good Gourmet Goddess.

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Generated by the Advertising Slogan Generator, for all your slogan needs. Get more Gourmet Goddess slogans.

and my personal favorite:

Unzip a Gourmet Goddess.

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Generated by the Advertising Slogan Generator, for all your slogan needs. Get more Gourmet Goddess slogans.

Update on Winter Holiday Insanity

So, for the gift, the gift that was driving me insane, I finally decided to to send two cookbooks - one on basic technique and another on the international slowcooker. I also threw in a couple of gingerbread men soaps, which I found adorable because they look like they are screaming in horror, summing up my feelings in generally about the holiday season. I just heard back that my next eldest cousin got the box, and was quite pleased and plans on enjoying the cookbooks. She also said that the gingerbread men caused some hilarity as no one knew if they were soap or chocolates and that, of course, no one was willing to take a bite of one and find out. I suppose, coming from me, that it would make sense that they were chocolate, but nope.

Anway, I won't see my holiday gifts until almost Chinese New Year, which is fine, as I much prefer to celebrate Chinese New Year. More fun, less stress, far better food, and spectacular entertainment all around.

I spent most of my holiday hermiting. I did work, and even worked on Christmas Day, but I also took several breaks, including trying to work only 8 hours a day instead of 10, and even - on a couple of days - coming home an hour or so early. See, I had a bad health scare and am under doctor's orders to rest.

About two weeks before Christmas, I had some numbness in my faec and my fingers, and I was also dizzy. Now, dizziness is a perennial state for me, but I thought nothing of it, but the numbness made me nervous, so I went to the doctor. She ordered an MRI and an echocardiogram for me, on the possibility that I might have had a mini stroke. She also gave me an antibiotic because I had horrific sinus pain and pressure. Anyway, it appears that the antibiotic did the trick, because the numbness is gone, although I am still congested. The other tests seem to be good. The echo showed I have the heart of a 20 year old (go fat chicks!), and I haven't heard back about the MRI, but I figure if something was really off, she would have clapped into hospital toot sweet. Unless, of course, they just can't find my brain.

Still, I now have some new worries, i.e., unpaid medical bills. Because, although I have ok insurance, I am still going to have over $1000 in bills to cover. Which is not anywhere in my budget, which is stretched to the max right now.

So, if you care to make a donation, let me know! Or, if you have a project I can help with that and are willing to pay me a small amount, or if you need a cooking lesson or your pantry reorganized, let me know. Cause I need the cash.