Recovered! Or, Why I am Glad We Only Have Reunions Every Three Years

Well, I have finally recovered from my long-weekend vacation to my family reunion in Rochester, MN. And recovery was needed. After the fiasco that was my plane trip to Minneapolis, I got in only a few hours late and Mom and I stopped to eat at the Vietnam Restaurant, a place whe had always wanted to try but never been able to find off the highway, largely because she hadn't driven far enough from the exit. We walked in and were a bit nervous as there were still many tables with dirty dishes, never a good sign at a restaurant. But, we decied to take a chance. It was quite delicious actually! And I have been yearning for good Vietnamese food. The restaurant was actually pan-Asian. We enjoyed a fresh spring roll Vietnamese-style (which means it had pork in it rather than shrimp), and Mom had a huge bowl of the best Tom Yum I have ever tasted, while I had a nicely seasoned chicken and cabbage salad. The prices were low and the portions huge - we ate leftovers for dinner.

On Friday, I spent the day mostly bored. I only like sitting around the house one day a week, usually Sunday, during which I watch all my Netflix releases of the week. So Mom took pity on me and we went to town to Birkmose Park, famous for its intact burial mounds, and then down to the waterfront park, where I walked across the bridge about half way over the St. Croix River.

Then, we went back home and got ready and, when my aunt J got there, we hoped in the car and headed to Rochester. On the way, we stopped for fish fry, that great Wisconsin tradition, and when we got to the hotel, we spent some time in the pool and hot tub.

Up the next day, we went to Denny's for breakfast (never had a bad breakfast at Denny's) and then out to the reunion. It was a fairly typical reunion - silly games like the girdle race, bingo, and lots of gossiping and looking at of pictures. There was a silent auction, which lead to some disgruntlement as a lot of the pencils had broken leads and certain someones were holding onto the only working writing weapons, meaning that not everyone was able to write their bids. You know who you are! The auction made a lot of money and half of it went to the Cancer Society, since so many people in the family have been stricken with some sort of cancer. There was also a Mass, during which I spent most of the time walking in the woods and trying not to scream out rude comments about Catholic monarchies and the abuse of young children.

We left for home Sunday morning and stopped for lunch at the Whistle Stop Cafe, somewhere along the way. Decent food. I had the turkey plate, which was real turkey and not souped up deli meat. When we got home, Mom took a nap and I went for a walk, despite the fact that it was hotter than hell.

On Monday, I got packed and headed for the airport for a 3:30 flight. I got there just before the 2 pm flight was leaving. They called everyone who was there for later flights to the cat and said, "We don't know if your flight is going, so we are sending everyone who can get a seat on this plane." I got a seat, but I will tell you this - I will never fly from Chicago to Minneapolis again. For all the headaches and cancellations and delays and bull, I would rather just drive.

I Don't Think CapitalOne Wants Me as a Customer Anymore

I returned home from my vacation and started going through my mail. There was an envelope there from CapitalOne. Urgent information about your account - Open Immediately! I normally don't look at these because they are usually just purchase checks or some other attempt to get me to spend more moolah. But I opened this one for some reason and am I ever glad I did.

It seems that CapitalOne has decided they are not making enough money and have decided to raise their interest rates more than 6%, making my rate almost 16%.

Now I have had my CapitalOne card for more than a decade. I have had a 9.9% interest rate since the beginning, even when the standard going rate was something close to 20%. I have never missed a payment, and I do carry a balance and so I know they are making money hand over fist on my account. Of course, I rarely use my card for new purchases, but I still have a fairly large balance to pay off over the next five years so they are not in any danger of loosing money on me any time soon. So why this almost putative increase in the APR?

CapitalOne claims it is because interests rates have increased so much over the last couple of years they simply must raise their rates. I call bullshit.

Interest rates are not that much higher than they were three years ago. The interest rate I got on my home mortgage in 2007 is almost identical to the mortage rate we had when we purchased our Massachusetts home in 2002. Really, I think it is CapitalOne's way of trying to increase the money they are making or of getting rid of customers who are "too good" and never have late fees.

So, in the letter, they give me a choice of bending over and taking it or freezing my account and never using it again. I think I will take another road... transfer over to Chase Bank's 18 month 0.0% APR on balance transfer (with a transfer fee of $99) with a fixed 9.9% after the 18 months are up or go to Bank of America and get a personal loan at 8.9%, pay off CapitalOne, and never have a credit card for general purchases again. Either way, I think I will be telling CapitalOne it is no longer what is in my wallet.

Today's Episode, in Which Heather Tempts Fate

I began my three day summer vacation on Thursday. I am attending a family reunion, so I don't know that it really counts as vacation, but still. I decided to fly to Minneapolis, because it cost the same as driving but took less time.

Heh. Right.

I had a mid-morning flight scheduled, just in case I couldn't get a ride and needed to get to O'Hare by train. I did manage to get a ride and was to the airport around 9 am. I had already checked in the night before and I had no luggage, so I breezed through security and went to the monitor only to discover that my flight was leaving 45 minutes late. Ok, that gives me time for breakfast. So I wandered down to the gate, and in the five minutes it took me to get there, my flight had been cancelled. Due to weather, or so they claimed. I went to the agent only to learn that they had rebooked me on a 4 pm flight to detroit and then a 7 pm flight to Minneapolis, getting me there around 9 pm. The agent claimed there were no other possibilities as everything was being cancelled because of a bad storm moving in. Nonononononono!

So, I quick went to the gate where the next flight and put my name on the priority stand by and then waited. Truly if there were bad weather that flight would also be cancelled, and I would know that I was well and truly screwed. But 11:30 rolled around and the flight started boarding, not even delayed. Obviously the weather excuse was a lie. I made some pointed comments about this fact.

I waited and waited, and they started calling names for stand by seating. Finally, I was called, likely due to the fact that a few people called before me were no where to be found! Apparently one of the benefits of travelling as a single person is that you can get on flights when families can't. Frankly, it was a bit like winning the lottery. And a good thing too! I hit Minneapolis around 1:30 and a huge storm did roll in around 2:30. I never would have made it if I had had to be on that 4 pm to Detroit.

Really the whole thing is my own damn fault. I wore the t-shirt that tempted fate. I wore it the last day of my previous job. It states simply, in bright yellow letters on brown cotton, "I'm Going Places."

My Harry Potter Results

I haven't read the latest Harry Potter and I doubt I will any time soon. However, since the plot is not out there online, I can post the results of my Harry Potter predictions.

1. Well, I guess Dumbledore really is dead, although he does show up as a spirit guide at one point in the novel. I give myself half a point for being kinda right and kinda wrong.
2. Snape was not on Voldemort's side. Whole point for Heather!
3. Voldemort was killed and killed in the traditional sense of the word. There is some argument about whether or not he counts as one of the two main characters that are killed, however. Some claim the two main characters killed are Fred Weasley and Snape. I personally don't think of Fred Weasley as a main character. I am giving myself a point for this one. Disagree if you like.
4. Harry's kinda death is a bit more complicated. A part of him certainly die. However, since my prediction was that he would lose his wizard powers and he didn't, I get no points for this prediction.
5. So Ron and Hermione do get together, but apparently it happens sometime in the Epilogue and not during the main thrust of the story. Still since it is between the covers of the book, I must deny myself any points here as well.

So, all in all, out of five possible points, I scored 2.5. 50%. Not bad for someone who only started reading the books a couple of years ago.

Summer Veggie Stew

It was cool enough this weekend to think about eating actual hot food, so I decided to use up a lot of the veggies from my CSA veggie box. Enjoy!

2 zucchinis
3-4 patty pan squash
1 yellow squash
5 small onions or 2 medium onions
3 T Penzy's Bangkok Blend Spice
1 pint seasoned tomato juice
1 package frozen green garbanzo beans or 32 ounces canned (drained and rinsed)

Chunk all the veggies into large pieces and then throw in a pot with some olive oil. Cook until they just start to get color and then throw in the tomato juice. Add the garbazos and then let simmer away until everything is soft and delicious. Serve with brown rice.

They're Back!

Well, I went out this morning and momma cat and her kittens are returned, with said kittens much bigger. And they are all hissier than ever, possibly because it was a dark and stormy night. Unfortunately, it is not the right tmie of year for the Spay N'Go folks to attempt to catch them, so I don't know what I am going to do. The bushes definitely have to go, however. I don;t want my front yard to start harboring a whole colony of ferals.

Asian Cucumber Salad

I love cucumbers in the summer. Cool and water, with a delicious cruch. Really, not much is better. Except maybe watermelon. So, here is my favorite summer cucumber salad.


two 6-8 inch cucumbers
1/4 cup soy sauce (I use sushi style sauce)
1/2 cup seasoned rice vinegar
1 T sesame oil (optional)
red pepper to taste (optional)

Wash the cucumbers and cut off the ends. Then slice the in half and then slice again to make good bite-sized chunks. Put in a bowl. Mix soy sauce and rice vinegar. Add sesame oil and red pepper is using. Pour over cucumbers and toss well. Let sit for 20 minutes in fridge and then toss again. Let sit for another 20 minutes and then serve. This method ensures that each slice gets a good infusion of dressing but doesn't get mushy. If you need to keep it in the fridge overnight, do the following: cut the cucumbers and mix the dressing. Pour the dressing over the cucumbers and then add water until the cucumbers are just covered. Stir well. Adding the water seems to help keep the cucumbers from getting too mushy while steeping overnight. With this method, make sure to drain well, and then spike the salad with a dash of soy and vinegar just before serving.

Seven Wonders

Well, I didn't do so well in the new Seven Wonders of the World Voting. My choices way back yonder were Angkor Wat temple, Easter Island statues, the Great Wall, Petra, the Great Pyramids, Stonehenge, and one that isn't listed: Serpent Mound in Ohio.

And the worldwide voters picked: The Great Wall, Petra, Christ Redeemer of Brazil, Machu Picchu, Chicken Itza, the Taj Mahal, and the Colosseum. So I was two of seven, and I believe that the Pyramids got some sort of special honor for being the only original Seven Wonder still standing.

Why a License Should be Required to Reproduce

Contrary as I am, I truly believe that there are far too many people out there who should not be allowed to reproduce without a license. Simply because they are idiots. Take for example, this recent column from Dear Prudence, Slate.com's advice columnist:

Dear Prudie,

My daughter is 5 years old and has, like most girls her age, a hamper's worth of stuffed animals. While she has her favorites, she constantly wants more and usually connives to get someone (read: her grandparents) into procuring a new one every couple of weeks. The new one immediately becomes her favorite and she must sleep with it every night and haul it around half the day. My question is: Does this behavior indicate she'll be overly promiscuous as an adult, or at least unable to commit to a single partner?

—Perhaps Overly Worried Father

Um, ok. What kind of a moron would even think to ask whether or not his five-year-old's stuffed animal habits indicate whether or not she will be a slut? I mean, even if stuffed animal sleeping habits indicated some sort of sexual habit, from the description here, at the very worst the girl would become a serial monogamist, which basically means she is just like almost everyone else.

Luckily, Prudence is an intelligent and *ahem* prudent woman, and her answer was thus:

Dear Perhaps,

Of course that's what it indicates. You'd better start thinking now about what you're going to do when she's a young woman and throws over that big, chubby guy with the annoying laugh, Barney, for the sexually ambiguous Tinky-Winky, whom she then dumps for that moron, Elmo, who every time they come over asks you to get down on the floor and tickle him.

—Prudie

Way to snark, Prudie! I hereby nominate Prudence to hand out licenses to reproduce!

Today's Episode, in Which Heather Learns that She Must Win the Lottery

So, I have started doing work on my home. You know, the old bungalow. It has held up really well, considering that is is nearly 80 years old. But some parts I just don't like and some need to be updated badly.

The kitchen, for example, is disfunctional. It is set up wrong. It's small. It has no counter space. It's old and cruddy looking. This weekend I had the first contractor come in and look at it to see what can be done. The best solution is to knock out a wall, relocate a staircase, reorient the entire kitchen (requiring the rerouting of plumbing, eletric, and gas), and put in all new custom cabinets. Cost? $35K. Yes, 35000. Which effectively prices my house right out of the market, because I wouldn't be able to recoup such an investment if I sell the house in the next five years. Another suggestion he had would be to finish the attic - putting in two bedrooms and a bath upstairs, taking the two bedrooms downstairs, knocking down a wall, and turning that space into a huge kitchen. Still huge dollar signs. My next options is to figure out how to make what I have at least a bit more functional and attractive, which can be done but will still be at least $10K, which I currently don't have. I might be able to get it lower but that requires relying on relatives to help me with the work. That makes me nervous.

I guess I am just going to have to live with a crap ass kitchen for now.

The bathroom also needs to be updated, so I had him look at that as well. The primary things I want fix in the bath are the very stained cast iron tub and the window that spits water into the driveway. He had no real suggestions on the window other than to have a vinyl one installed. It is, sadly, a custom size, so I would have to have one made special. And the tub is also a custom size and so to replace it will cost thousands. He suggested a bath mat. But, he can redo the plumbing fixtures (which need updating), put in a nicer vanity and sink and redo the floor for my budget, which is damn small and it makes me wonder if I might not be better off just not doing anything right now.

Ugh ugh and triple ugh. I so need to win the lottery!

Today's Episode, in Which Heather Learns to Read Labels

Entire labels, that is.

My yoga ball lost its plug, forcing me to go and purchase a new yoga ball. I went to marshall's where I can normally find decent yoga stuff at discount prices only to find that they had nothing. Nada. Zilch. Nevertheless, I decided to give a quick run through the store and see if there were any other treasures around. And man, did I hit the jackpot. Nice picture frames, a beautiful planter that I will use when I bring my herb garden indoors for the winter, a nice laundry hamper, some snacks. One snack I picked up I was terribly excited by. They were called "Honey Crunchers" and the ingredients were rice flour, honey, and water. Sounded plain but nice. A little bit-size yumminess while sitting at my desk.

On the way back home, I opened them up to have a taste. Um, a bit dry. A bit mealy. Almost no honey flavor. What the hell? So I looked closer.

The Honey Crunchers were made by the Colorado Barkery.

Yes, dear friends, Honey Crunchers are dog treats.

At least they tasted better than liver snaps.

Heather Takes on Top Chef

Like most civilian foodies, I am a big fan of the cooking shows Hell's Kitchen and Top Chef. As I watch the shows, I always wander what I would make. So I decided to play along this season.

Playing along with Hell's Kitchen is a bit difficult as there really aren't individual challenges I can respond to. After all, I doubt I have a flounder anywhere in my kitchen, let alone a fresh whole flounder that needs to be skinned and de-roed. Nor do I have a hyper-masculine rugby player screaming at me military style, trying to break my spirit so he can then build it back up again with my desperate need to please the all-powerful authority figure (Gordon Ramsey, you know who you are). However, I can - to some extent - play along with Top Chef.

Now, I am a bit behind schedule, but here goes.

Each episode of Top Chef consists of two major challenges. The first is a 30 minutes or less quickfire challenge, in which the chefs must make some sort of a dish off the top of their heads using a dictated theme or specified ingredient. The second is where they cook a larger entre, also often themed. They just have longer to plan the dish.

In episode 1, they started the show by having to create an amuse bouche (or one-bite appetizer) from the remains of a buffet table. Now, I have no idea of what was on the buffet table, so I can't really play along with this one, but I would be likely to make something that was both salty and sweet at the same time, as those are two flavors that really wake my tongue up. Their second challenge involved making an exotic surf and turf. Unfortunately, the chefs were not allow to select their own surf and turf proteins, because if given free reign, I would have done a landlock surf and turf, using buffalo and freshwater fish. Instead, I decided to play with what the contestants had to pick from and selected buffalo rib eye and abalone. Now taking abalone as my starting point, as an ingredient I never ever use, I have eaten it mostly in Chinese restaurants. And my favorite take on it is steamed with a delicious sauce of Chinese rice wine, ginger, and scallions. Ginger and scallions/green onions are both key ingredients in that dish that is usally so popular and evil in Chinese establishments - Mongolian beef. I would cut the buffalo rib eye into strips, marinate it in ginger, soy, garlic and scallions, with a little ginger ale or cola thrown in. After it had gotten all yummy and full of marinade, I would throw it on a very hot wok and stir fry it so that it was caramelized on the outside and soft and rare in the inside. I would make a sauce with the marinade and then serve it over an abalone fried rice, making certain not to overcook the abalone.

Episode 2 featured a citrus quickfire challenge, which totally made sense as the show is located in Florida this year. I would have made a quick salad of exotic citrus (blood oranges, key limes, pomelos) with garlic oil-cured olives, thinly sliced red onions, and chopped cilantro. Again, a play on the salty-sweet that I like so much and a way to really highlight the interesting variety of citrus that is out there. I served a similar salad at my Sold! BBQ in Attleboro, MA a couple of years ago. It was a huge hit. The second challenge was to create a dish for an upscale BBQ. Now, one thing I notice is that vegetarians also get treated like red-headed stepchildren at BBQs, which is totally stupid as there are many wonderful veggie dishes that can be on the BBQ. And no, I don't mean just veggie kabobs. In my case, I would have made a tandori tofu - extra firm tofu sliced and then soaked in a yogurt and spice mixture. The tandori spice is bright red and when it hits the grill, the sliced tofu would get nice black grill marks, making a beautiful red and black contrast. Then, it could be sliced, to show off the creamy white inside, and then served on a vibrant green banana leaf. A beautiful dish.

The third episode featured a quickfire in which the chefs had to net their own shellfish, clean it and then prepare a shellfish dish. I probably would have kept it fairly simply, as cleaning the shellfish would have taken up a lot of time. Likely I would have made my version of a healthy Rhode island seafood chowder, which involves very crispy turkey bacon and soy creamer. The second challenge involved updating an American classic like frank n'beans, meatloaf and mashed potatoes and making it healthy and low cholesterol. Again, which dish the chef got depending on the order in which they got to pick. I have no idea what kind of dish I would have been reinventing but I think a frank n'beans dish in which the sausage was made from ground chicken and edamame beans and then served with some sort of warm multi-bean and barley salad would have been interesting. Redoing fish and chips would also have been fun, as there are many interesting things you can do in the oven. I might also have jumped at redoing the cabbage roll, as this is something I made on a regular basis. My cabbage rolls are made with a mixture of ground chicken or venison, wild rice, barley, onions and garlic. Once rolled in the cabbage lead, they are then steamed in a vinegar water bath and served with ketchup. To make it a bit nicer for the foodie crowd, I might make a nice sweet tomato salsa to go with the rolls.

Humble Pie is Going Down!

My good friend Ruth, of Cookie Sweet baking fame, called me on Saturday just to chat but also to lay down a challenge.

See, Ruth is a great baker. She's good enough that she is about to launch her business full-time any day now. For the last year, I have been doing experimental cookies, hoping to find some good enough that she can use in her business, especially as I focus on healthy low-sugar cookies, and her cookies are only really healthy for your soul. I have had some moderate success and there are a few that, I think, by this fall will be perfected. And I am working on some new ones, too. I had a dream last night that I was a cheftestant on Top Chef and the challenge was to create a gourmet version of chocolate chip cookies that would appeal to adults. In my dream, I created a cherry chocolate chip cookie, so I am going to get right on trying to make that a reality, because it actually sounds like a winner to me.

Anyway, during the summers, Ruth makes the rounds at the farmer's markets and sells cookies by the bushel. Her cookies are so well-received that some people have started proclaiming, "You're the Humble Pie lady!"

The Humble Pie lady is a baker who started off in the farmer's markets around Boston, focusing on selling pies, and now has a major contract selling pies to Whole Foods. Being ranked as good as the Humble Pie Lady has gotten Ruth thinking that maybe she should add some pies to her bullpen, and she has asked me to think of some pie recipes for her.

Which is funny, because I have actually never made a pie in my life, except for an ice cream pie, which really doesn't count because it involves throwing things in a blender with ice cream, whizzing it, dumping it in a graham cracker crust, and refreesing it. Nor do I really eat pie. But I do like a challenge.

So right now in my freezer I have rhubarb and cranberries. I will start with those. And then, this weekend, I was at the Indian store stalking up curry mixes, and I saw something that gave me a great deal of inspiration. Rose jelly. Yes, jelly made from rose petlas. here's my idea. I am going to take a pudding or custard mix, infuse it with cardamon, and let it set in a sweet crust. then I will spread the rose jelly then pre-slice it into servings. Then I will take organic rose petals and place them over the rose jelly in a beautiful pattern. I think that would be a lovely and sophisticated pie.

My Harry Potter Prediction

It took a really long time before I bowed to the pressue to read the Harry Potter books. I didn't want to like them. I was worried they would be derivative off all other fantasy novels out there. And the first two movies, which I saw before reading any of the books, made me a little sick to my stomach. Nevertheless, I finally bowed to peer pressure, and started reading them, and have greatly enjoyed the books. I don't go out at midnight or wait in line or anything like that. With the last book that came out, I actually waited six months and then had my pick of copies from the Boston Public Library.

With the final book coming out in a few weeks, many a gathering I have attended has had long discussions about how the series will resolve itself. I felt the need to add my own predictions to the mix. I wonder if I, the non-fan, will get anything right.

1. Dumbledore is not truly dead, at least not like we normally think of dead. The #1 wizard never really dies in fantasy. They have a type of death and come back transformed.

2. While I don't think he is a "good" guy, I don't think Snape is on Voldemort's side, either. As someone said, Dumbledore trusted him completely and if Snape is bad, that casts doubt on Dumbledore's greatness. On the other hand, I wouldn't mind if Snape were bad and Dumbledore was therefore tarnished. It is a good lesson for kids to learn that adults sometimes royally fuck things up and make bad judgements about people.

3. Voldemort will be one of the two main characters killed and he will die in the traditional sense of the word - worm food, no resurrection possible, etc. I can't see Rowling ending the series any other way. Leaving Voldemort alive imbalances the world Rowling has created. And I don't foresee any possible way of redeeming Voldemort, ala Darth Vader. There is really no sacrifice Voldemort can or would make that would redeem his sins.

4. I don't know which other character will die, but I don't believe it will be Harry, unless we want to rethink the concept of death. In tarot, the death card is the card of transformation so great it is like being born again, entirely new. Voldemort and Harry are mirror-twins. When Voldemort dies, so must Harry, at least in some way. My prediction is that he will lose his wizard powers and become a muggle, perhaps with a long career ahead of him as some sort of liasion between the muggle world and the Ministry of Magic. And having Harry return to the muggle world is also good storytelling form. In the best of stories, the protagonist always ends up back at the place s/he started, but radically changed in some way. At the beginning of the series, Harry was just another muggle, an abused and neglected one at that. If he lost his wizard powers, he would become a muggle again, but a strong and capable young adult, ready to go out into the world.

5. Ron and Hermione don't get together. I have no ground on which to base this but I sincerely hope it is true. I don't want Hermione to begin her young adult life tied to a kind-hearted if mostly incompotent dork.

Anyway, those are my predictions. Let the games begin!

Caprese Pasta Salad

Last night, I joined a group of fine females (and one fine male) for a trip to see the Indigo Girls perform at the Ravinia Festival. Now the nice thing about Ravinia is that the lawn seats are cheap and it is a picnic haven. So, everything brought something - some cheese, some wine, a billion or so cookies, hummus, etc etc. My contribution was a delicious caprese pasta salad.

Now a basic caprese salad is fresh mozzarella, tomatoes, and basil - arranged neatly and drizzled with good olive oil. I made my salad by cooking a pound of pasta (I used rotelle) and then cooling in the fridge and then adding 1 pint of grape tomatoes, 1 container of marinated mozzarella balls, some lemon juice (about 1 large lemon), and a bunch of chopped up basil and Italian parsley from my garden. I overcooked the pasta just a touch and I could have chopped the parsley and basil smaller, but I was making it at 11 at night, so sue me. The only thing I might do differently in the future is to chop the mozzarella balls into smaller bits. They were quite salty and, as I hadn't salted the rst of the salad, being smaller would have spread the salty goodness throughout. Still, a good invention and one that will be repeated.

Also, today, I learned a new term. Bed-oaf. I found it hilarious. I hope you do, too.

One Year Ago

It was about one year ago that I was sitting in my psychologist's office having a minor panic attack. A couple of weeks earlier, I had gone on a job interview at my alma mater and was waiting to hear back from them about whether or not the job was mine. They had promised to tell me by July 1 so that I could give a month's notice to my current employer before leaving. Now that the moment of notification was upon me, I was completely freaked out. If I got and took the job it meant leaving behind my life of the last seven years. Leaving behind most of my friends. Leaving behind Boston, a city I greatly enjoy. Leaving behind an inconstant lover. Leaving behind a job I hated and an employer that was doing everything it could to gut itself and chase away everyone doing good work. Leaving behind the safe and familiar, which is comfortable no matter how much of your soul it sucks.

And so, the visit to Dr. Sid. Who I adore and whose advice I do miss. And after pouring out my heart, my fears, my what ifs to him for an hour, he had one simple question for me. Would you be disappointed if you didn't get the job? And the answer was yes.

So, on that Friday a year ago, they called me and offered me the job at a decent if not spectacular salary with assurances of moving help and housing for at least the first year. And I jumped. And i didn't give a month's notice, either. In fact, I gave less than two weeks and they should have been happy I gave that instead of walking out, entirely. By the first week of August, I was here, north of Chicago, working at my new digs.

It has not been easy. I did leave behind my friends. Most have since left for other parts of the world themselves. The few who remain do keep in touch, and those who don't? Well, I guess I can't expect anything else. It did hurt to leave behind the inconstant lover. Even though I knew he had to go eventually. Even if I pretended to myself that he didn't. Leaving him behind has been made even more difficult because I am finding nothing, just nothing, here in Chicago. Not even a friend with benefits. I seem to be attracting only liars, closeted homosexuals, fat chick baiters, etc etc etc. Not-So-Dear-John may have been a liar and a slut, but at least he was never deliberately cruel and we always had a good time....

Still, even as difficult as it has been, life is much better for me now. I am paying off my bills slowly but surely. I enjoy my job most days. I wish I could accomplish more than I have been, but it has been a good experience for me to learn that I am only one person and only a human, at that. I have my own home, something I never good have had in Massachusetts by myself. And, yes, I am fatter than before. But, nearly every day, I wake up wondering excitedly what will happen. Unlike in Massachusetts, where I woke up and asked myself how soon everything was going to implode.

The Season for All Growing Things

Today, please enjoy these beautiful pictures:

First, the faun that was outside the front door of my office.

Secondly, my herb garden. It's a start!

Third, my beautiful roses.

And finally, Pele not giving a shit. Again.

Just So You Know

That's because I used the word "cock" twice.

Oh My, Get Your Mind Out of the Gutter, People!



I visited yet another new store this weekend. For the life of me, I can't remember its name, except that it is something like Super Fresh, and is near the Aldis on Lewis Street, going north. Similar to the Lewis Fresh market but a bit bigger and with nastier produce but a better selection on meats. They also have a large section of international foods, including some Afro-Carribbean in addition to all the Latino, Indian, and Eastern European stuff you find everywhere else.



They even had a soup flavoring packet I am certain my gay friends will find amusing and enjoyable: Cock Flavored Soup. Yes, that's right Cock Flavored.



I mean, I know they mean chicken, but still........

Kitten Free

So last night, I attempted to make friend with my new kitten family, and gave them food and sat very quiet and got them used to me. Momma was having none of it. As long as I didn't move or come within two feet, she was fine. Otherwise, she hissed like a cobra. The kittens were interested but a bit skittsih. I watched and watched, and then went inside to watch. Momma finally decided that it was safe enough to go hunt, and I decided it was time to make a move and catch the babies.

I put on my trusty gloves and took a cat carrier out with me. I even managed to pet the heads of two of the kittens. But the instant I grabbed one, it was like holding a live firecracker. Never heard such spitting and yowling in my life! Not even when I had to give Leo a bath.

Well, momma was not as far away as I had thought and she came at me like a lightning bolt! I screamed and ran like a little girl, leaving the cat carrier behind. This morning, I looked and I don't see them anywhere. Maybe momma decided that my house actually wasn't the kind of neighborhood she wanted to be in and moved them elsewhere. And I hope that a skunk hasn't taken up housekeeping in my abandoned cat carrier. I certainly don't want to capture one of those.

Below is Pele not giving a shit:

And here's Leo suggesting that those things are fine to look at from afar but how dare you actually get close to one!

I Have Kittens!

Last night, as I was sitting and reading, I heard a cat cry outside. I figured it was just one of the neighborhood cats walking by, saying "hi" to Leo, who has been stationed in the front window for several days. Enjoying the sun, I thought. Leokin loves him some sun.

This morning, I headed out a bit later than normal. I had been waiting for AT&T to actually come and hook up the phone, which they were supposed to do on Tuesday but apparently gaked it up. Anyway, I headed out the door and looked over the railing and the evil evergreen bushes in front of my house, wondering when the damn tree guy would call me back so we could get something scheduled for the removal of the ugly shrubs. Sunddenly, I saw movement. And more movement. And even more movement!

Yes, dear reader, yours truly, had kittens. They look to be about 6-8 weeks old. Their eyes are open and they scoot around like crazy. Apparently, Leo has not been enjoying the sun so much as he has been enjoying the theater taking place in my ugly shrubs. Which is funny, 'cause Leo is not so fond of other animals, except his sister and, of course, fish, birds and squirrels. And sometimes bugs, if I have them.

So, I called mia madre to see if she had any hints for what to do, my first instinct being to feed them, which of course would mean that I would officially become their human feeder #1 and they would never go away. She suggested live trapping and a thick pair of leather gloves.

Anyway, I decided to take some food and water out to them because it has been hot and all my birds have disappeared. I took the dishes around the side of the house only to discover that momma kitty is actually around. She looks a little worse for wear. She is definitely pissed off and might be feral. It's hard to tell when they are being all fierce about their offspring. It looks like there are 4-5 kittens. It can be hard to tell when they get in the thick branches. They are all various shades and degrees of grey and white, and there looks to be one that is a long-haired dilute tortie and is just gorgeous. One appears to have a leg injury of some type, perhaps broken. I will spend the next few days attempting to befriend them, so hopefully I can capture at least the kittens and take them to the no kill shelter. If they are healthy and FIV-negative, I might even agree to foster them until they can find homes. I don't think I will be able to capture the momma without a full suit of body armor, though.

Sadly, I find myself tempted to keep one, maybe even the tortie. I guess I am an old softy. Leo, however, gets a little worked up when new animals come into the home and it sets off his IBD. Then again, he has been watching them. Maybe he would think it was an old friend. Pele would just love to have a kitten in the house. Hell, I had to grab her by the scruff of the neck this morning as she attempted to scape through the front door and go mothering.

Roasted Corn, Mexican Style

I went to a new grocery store near my house on Monday night. It was a little mini version of Garden Fresh market, leaning strongly to the Latino. It has a decent if not huge variety. It's prices were a bit higher than I would have liked, but it had a lack of frozen, convenience food, which, in my book, is a good thing. Outside, they had a person selling roasted. God, did it smell good! There is nothing quite like the smell of roasted corn. I decided to get one. The clerk asked if I wanted it traditional Mexican style.

Well, I am always up for something new, so I said why not? She began by spritzing it with spray butter and then coating it with what I assumed was near melted butter, then coasted in Mexican dry cheese and sprinkled it with chilli powder. I took it home and took a bite.

Um, that old adage about assuming? Too true.

What I thought was butter was actually mayonnaise. On roasted corn. Didn't like it. Tasted funny. Weird texture. And I should have known it was mayonnaise. When I worked at the Latino agency, we went through mayo like nobody's business. A favorite treat of some of my co-workers? Mayo put on bread and then chucked in the toaster oven. Not nearly as bad as it sounds to Norte Americano ears.

I took my roasted cord to the sink and washed it off. Frankly, it was much better plain. I guess next time I will know to just ask for butter, salt, and chilli. Live and learn! How much sadder would it have been to not have tasted it at all?

Why Do You Need to Know? Or: Heather Continues Her Crusade Against Idiocy in Retail

So, Friday night, I had to return a couple of items of clothing I purchased that I had decided I didn't like. All of them were brand new and still had tags attached. I still had the receipt. They had been purchased less than seven days before. Should be no problem, right.

Wrong.

My first transaction went well. I needed to return a pair of women's Dockers to Marshalls, as they had been marked incorrectly on the size. I went to the line, waited not three minutes, and the very helpful sales clerk offered me cash, although I had paid with my debit card. Afterwards, I tooteled around the store, picked up a hunting-cabin-warming gift for mia madre and a bottle of snooty BBQ sauce that looked interesting, and went off to my next return.

I drove down the street to the Avenue, where the woman at the counter said to me, in a snotty voice, "You have a return?" Yes, please. I was still in a good mood from my Marshall's visit. In fact, I was feeling disgustingly cooperative. She yells loudly to another clerk, "I got a return!" Ok. The other young clerk comes over to take care of my transaction. Her first words? "I need your phone number." Um, why? "The computer says I need your phone number in case corporate needs to call you to see if this is really a return." Um, the product is right here. I am returning it. Ergo, is it not a real return? "I have to have your phone number." Well, I don't want to give you my phone number. I don't want to be put on some telemarketer's list. The clerk calls the manager. "This lady won't give her phone number." I explain to the manager that too many times companies like the Avenue have said they needed my phone number only to sell it to telemarketers and that I chose not to provide my phone number to anyone except close friends and family and my employer and my doctor. "Well, we need something so that if corporate has any questions about our performance they can contact you." Now I feel this is a line of bullshit, but I give them my work number because otherwise, we are just not moving forward toward getting me back my $30. Then:

"Ma'am, I need your home address."

Excuse fucking me? You do not need my home address for me to return an unworn garmet with receipt and original tags still attached.

"I am sorry. I do not wish to provide you with my home address. I don't want my home address sold to junk mail outlets and I especially do not want you to have my home address stored in your computers in conjunction with my credit card information. I was the victim of similar practices at TJX and DSW. Then they got hacked, and it cost me a lot of money and time to get my identity back and repair my credit."

"Well, ma'am, I am afraid that we will not refund your money unless you give us this information."

Now, nowhere in the store is this information posted. No where does it say that if you want to return an item, you must provide all sorts of personal information just to get your money back. No where. It doesn't say this on the receipt either.

So I was left with a choice. Give them my personal info to get my money back or walk away from the money and suck it up. Sadly, I needed the damn money.

I gave her an old address. I knew it was all a damn ploy to get my email so they could send me crap and sell my address, because I heard the manager say to the clerk, "Just keep hitting no. Make sure you hit no, or she will get mail." I informed the manager that I would never shop at Avenue again, and would inform everyone else.

Sadly, however, the Avenue is not the only retailer who is behaving in idiotic ways. I recently attempted to make a purchase at a TJ Maxx where the sales clerk refused to ring up my purchases unless I gave him my telephone number. I dropped over $100 worth of merchandise on his counter and walked out the door. The manager was about having a fit. The same thing when I went to the grocery store and was about to sign up for one of those grocery savings cards. Those dorks wanted to photocopy my driver's license. Photocopy my driver's license! So I could get 10 ears of corn for a dollar! Um, hell no!

So, retailers. Heads up. YOU DO NOT NEED THIS INFORMATION. You need my money, and if you continue to act like this, you aren't going to get it anymore.

Don't Laugh!

I often get a lot of guff because I walk with my head down scanning the ground, usually. Mostly I am looking for rocks, being a rapid rockhound. In fact, everytime I move, I literally move a box of rocks. Sadly, a lot of people just don't get this. They wonder why I do it. As a result I am seen as everything from weird to freaky to timid, etc.

Well, what I am really doing is trying to make a big gemstone score, peeps. And it can happen, as it did to this nice girl:

"Walking along a path taken by thousands of others at the Crater of Diamonds State Park, Nicole Ruhter noticed something everyone else had missed — a tea-colored, 2.93-carat diamond."

Take that, doodz!

Much Ado About Nothing

So I got all excited about these pork spines 'cause they're cheap, only to do some research and find out that they are simply neck bones. Kinda like Ox Tails in reverse. Apparently they are used to make soup, especially in Korea and Mexico. I found one Korean recipe but it involves a million ingredients that I don't have and that I will have to go into the city to get. And since the recipe says the aroma of a cooking pork spine is pretty intense and that all windows in your kitchen should be open during cooking, I am not so keen to make a special trip just to try.

Still, I am going to have to do something. The price of food is going up exponentially. In Chicago, the price of a dozen eggs has jumped 81% since last year, according to an article that is in today's Chicago Tribune. And meat is going higher and higher because the cost of corn feed has skyrocketed, as more and more corn is used for ethanol. For our gas guzzling vehicles. What's worse is that most major meat manufacturers (and yes, I call them this because they sure as hell aren't butchers or farmers anymore) are injecting meat with a brine. Nowadays, this means that between 7-15% of the meat you buy is nothing but artificially added salt water. But you are still paying for that weight as if it were actual meat. Meat manufacturers claim they do this because it helps the home cook keep their meat juicy and moist. I call bullshit. Anyone who wants to know how to keep their meat juicy and moist while cooking can just read a cookbook or look up an article on foodnetwork.com. I, frankly, think it is disgusting and immoral. And bad for cooking. The other day, I decided to bake some chicken leg quarters. They threw off so much moisture from the artificially added brine that they steamed instead of roasted and were so salty, despite the fact that I add no salt whatsoever, that I could hardly eat them.

And going veggie is not always a good thing either. India is a major supplier of dulses or legumes to the world. In recent years, they have curtailed the amount of lentils or dals they have exported because they haven't had enough to supply their own population, effectively driving the price of lentils up mondo high. During a recent trip to the Indian market, I purchased 8 pounds of lentils at a price of $15, more than $2 a pound. Lentils shouldn't cost as much as subgrade chicken parts.

I am seriously thinking about ordering some grassraised organic meat this upcoming afll. Anyone want to go Dutch on a half of beef?

Recipes?

My local bodega has pork spine for 89 cents a pound. Anyone got any recipes? It's the cheapest animal protein I have found in my area.

Quick and Easy Guacamole

Here is a lazy person's version of guacamole that I made over the weekend.

4 ripe avacados (they are ripe when still firm but with a slight give to the touch)
1 T garlic powder
1/2 cup salsa (use your favorite. This will allow you to make the guacamole as hot as you prefer)
salt to taste

Open the avacados by splitting in half and then removing the pit. Scoop the flesh out of the skin with a spoon into a bowl. Mash up. I used a potato masher, but I fork would do. Leave it a little chunky. Add garlic powder and then salsa, and mix until well blended. Add salt to taste. Serve with chips and veggies or spread onto a sandwich in place of mayo. To store, put in a plastic container and then cover with plastic wrap. make certain wrap touches the guacamole, making certain that no air can get at it. Air is the enemy of avacados and will turn it brownish grey and who wants to eat that?

More appliances!



So, joy of joys, my new washer and dryer finally arrived today, almost a month after I purchased them. Apparently everyone in the known universe, or at least the northern burbs of Illinois, purchased a washer and dryer at the same time, so it took forever for my purchase to reach my home. Which means, I have been hanging clothes out to dry, which smells nice but is always a pain because it often rains on the weekend, meaning my poor clothes don't always have a chance to dry.



It was an interesting delivery, and I once again shocked and outraged the Latino delivery guys by being incredible strong. For a fat chick. Apparently, a door was installed in the basement sometime after the old washer and dryer were put down there and we couldn't get the old appliances out without removing the door. Normally not a big deal, right? Pop some hinges and away you go. But these doors were bolted and nailed on. With big damn nails. Well, the bolts were stripped and not moving so I had to yank the nails out. They were 5 inches long. I broke a hammer doing it, you know, that claw part of the hammer. Which pisses me off a bit as it was on my nice wood-handled hammer, wood-handled hammers being very hard to find nowadays.



Either way, I got the door off and received a round of applause from the Latino guys, who wanted to know if I worked in construction, and they hauled away the old and brought in the new. The washer works fine, although I have to get a shim for the backside as it rocks a bit (they were impressed I knew what a shim was and that I could purchase cedar shims at Home Depot), and they installed the dryer and did some weird little chemical test that showed that there was no leak in the gas line.



Oh, the gas leak. I mentioned that earlier. The previous owners had mentioned there was a weird gas smell when they used the dryer and they thought the dryer itself had a leak, but weren't sure, which could mean that the line to the dryer had a leak. Which is not a good thing and much more expensive to fix.



Well, they got the new dryer hooked up, turned the gas on full steam ahead and did their chemical test around all the joints and on the new connector and the chemical didn't react and I ran it for 30 minutes and there was no funny smell, so there is no gas leak and it was the old dryer that was spitzing. I still might have the gas company come out and do a general safety inspection, just to put my mind at ease. And I did turn the gas off to the dryer anyways, until I can be there for a whole day, turn it on, and really check and see if there was a funny gas smell in the basement.



Either way, I shall soon have all clean clothes. And blankets and towels, as these appliances are supersized and will do 16 bath sheets at a crack! Whaaaahoooooooo!

Funny from My Friend Kristen - Joke and Recipe All in One!

This is the fairy tale that should have been read to us when we were little:

Once upon a time
~~~~~~~~
in a land far away,
~~~~~~~~
a beautiful, independent,
self-assured princess
~~~~~~~~
happened upon a frog as she sat
contemplating ecological issues
on the shores of an unpolluted pond
in a verdant meadow near her castle.
~~~~~~~~
The frog hopped into the princess' lap
and said: “Elegant Lady,
I was once a handsome prince,
until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
~~~~~~~~
One kiss from you, however,
and I will turn back
into the dapper, young prince that I am
~~~~~~~~
and then, my sweet, we can marry
~~~~~~~~
and set up housekeeping in your castle
~~~~~~~~
with my mother,
~~~~~~~~
where you can prepare my meals,
~~~~~~~~
clean my clothes, bear my children,
~~~~~~~~
and forever feel
grateful and happy doing so. "
~~~~~~~~
That night,
~~~~~~~~
as the princess dined sumptuously
~~~~~~~~
on lightly sautéed frog legs
~~~~~~~~
seasoned in a white wine
~~~~~~~
and onion cream sauce,
~~~~~~~~
she chuckled and thought to herself:
~~~~~~~~
I don't freakin think so.

Some Pictures at Last!

So, I finally got my pictures downloaded and I hope you all enjoy what you see. The first set are some of the before pictures. The first is looking into the dining room from the living room: Then, the evil pumpkin colored office:

Soon, Heather begins to paint. God, it took forever! And really, I need to do some additional coats. At some point. Like right before I sell or something.

Then! Voila! Due to the miracles of modern technology, the house is ready! First, my room. Notice how I only painted two walls. Am I being artistic or just lazy? Will we ever know the truth? To the left, notice the nice flowered cutain. I made that out of a table cloth.

Then, the office. Notice it is still pumpkin colored. However, considering how tired I was and have been, it remains unpainted. Someday, it will be a tranquil sea green.....

Below, the quest room. This paint was truly horrible. It was rather like troweling mud onto the wall. But mia madre, did an excellent job of painting, did she not? And all of those books for my non-existant children! How hilarious!

A view of the living room though the dining room. So cavelike. So yellow.

And here, a look at part of the living room. It is rather a serene space, actually. Of course, getting used to almost no tv has been interesting. I saw a part of Conan the Barbarian. In Spanish. And then Tank Girl. In Spanish. And then, get this, Kung Fu. In Spanish. Triple dubbing! Seriously, though, I don't get all that many channels with my little antenna, but I get several Spanish channels and one multi-ethnic but mostly Indian channel that is quite interesting.

And here, the beautiful dining room. Which actually doesn;t get used all that much. As I get almost no visitors. This means you, dammit.

Finally, the cats see to really enjoy it. here's Leo stalking out his end of the couch.

And Pele, basking in the glory that is the East window.

The HaHa House is ready for visitors!

So I finished unpacking Monday night and except for the need to print out some of my own photos and hang them on the wall, the house is set. I will be taking and posting pictures soon. My new washer and dryer will be delivered this upcoming weekend, and I hope the minor gas leak problem with the dryer is fixed with the addition of the new appliance. If not, i will have to have someone come out and install a new gas pipe. Which is not such a big deal, I guess, except that I do need to do laundry and would prefer to not go to the local lavandaria.

In other house news, I have ordered a new vinyl shower window curtain that will hopefully handle my water problem. See, the house was built before showers became popular, and, as a result, has an unfortunately placed window in the path of the shower spray. The water goes under the window, into the frame, and sprays out into the driveway. Eventually, I will have to have the window removed, but until then, the specially designed Vermont Country Store vinyl curtain should sufice.

I have also got my bird feeders up and I have at least two cardinals and three orioles. And a million squirrels who have figured out how to open the bird feeder. My little herb garden is in and growing well, and I am about to do major outdoor landscaping. I have at least two whole summers' worth of projects.

I am hoping that Leo's hypoallergenic food will come back on the market soon. His loose poops are becoming problematic, what with Pele's huge belly that drags where it shouldn't be dragging. God, I had to give her a bath last night at 3 am because she must have gone into the box right after Leo-kins was finished. Yuck yuck yuck! I am sad to say that when these two kittehs pass on, I am going to be done with pets for a while.....

Update on Kitteh

As I am still unpacking and have no photos to share yet, I thought I would give an update on the Leo-kin. You know, he's the one with the IBD whose special hypoallergenic food was recalled, thrusting us into crises and wonder what was going to happen? Well, I got this new food from Neuro Wellness. It is made with human grade salman and herring and all the ingredients are from the United States. He started eating it two Fridays ago, and he seems to be doing ok. The first few days were pretty bad - lots of cramping and some screaming. But since then, he has only an occassional cry and/or mrurp sound, which might be related to moving stress rather than the food. Moreover, he looks like he might even have gained weight (a very good thing) and his coat is quite sleek and glossy. He almost looks healthy again, instead of looking like a dehydrated tri-athelete. The only bad side effects are that his droppings have gotten to be very soft again and, well, let's be honest here - they stink to high heaven. I mean dear god. Smelley Cat has nothing on the Leo-kin.

A Bit Sad

Unpacking continues to go well. I have only 3 smallish boxes left and a few piddly things to do. Mia madre has been a tremendous help, even doing the laundry and hanging it on the line as I currently have no working dryer. I expect to be able to post some pictures soon, well as soon as I find my downloading cord.

Still, despite how well everything is going - even if I have been spilling the gas in the back of my car - I am feeling a bit sad. Having mia madre around for the last couple of weeks has made me realize that I am actually a bit depressed and lonely. I haven't made any g0ood friends like I had in Boston. Most of my friends are work friends and they are great, but they go home at night to their other lives. As they rightly should. I have been trying to get more involved in activities, but not much luck there either. And yes I know it takes time, but still. So I am a bit sad this day....

I have a new stove. A Kenmore from Sears. It's lovely. It also shuts off when asked to do so. Rejoice!

Anyhoo, the unpacking is going well... just a few more boxes of weird odds and ends and office stuff. The new house is forcing some reorganizing, particularly in the office crap. I have to go to The Container Store tonight to get containers for all my office crap, because there I don't have as many easily accessible bins for office crap as I used (not sure how this happened, unless the gnomes stole them). I put a few curtains up. It kinda looks like a house now!

I Am Not a Dumb Woman,
You Sexist Bastard

So, I have been in the deapths of moving over the last two days. Last night, around 8:30, I hauled in the second to the last vehicle-full o'crap and then proceeded to change clothes and suggest to mia madre, who is down helping, that we go somewhere for steak. About to head out the door, I said, "Do you smell something hot?"

Indeed, something was hot: the slightly defective oven that I knew had to be replaced within the next month. Somehow, it was turned on. And, even when we moved the knob back to "off," it stayed on. And got hotter and hotter. And neither of us could find the gas turn off, not that I had my toolbox available to get a wrench and turn it off, anyhow.

So, I ran next door to the neighbor's to see if I could get the number for the gas company. I knocked on the door and saw that the person inside could see me, and he just ignored me. Looked right at me and then looked away. So I ran to another neighbors, who despite the fact that I don't speak Spanish well and they didn't speak English well, managed to understand and get me the number for the gas company.

Well, the gas guy showed up and fiddled with the knob and goes, "It's off." I said, "No, it isn't. It will come back on. We tried the same thing - it seemed off but then it popped back on." He gave me this look like I was a stupid female and repeated himself. I asked him to disconnect it from the gas line. Which he did, but somewhat sulkily.

So, tonight, instead of relaxing after two exhausting days of movage, I will be going to Sears and getting a new range. And since I need a new gas dryer, I will be getting that as well. Joy!

Giving up on dating

So I am giving up on dating. What between the closeted gay guys who think if they can get married, their gayness will magically disappear to the those searching for a mommy who looks like a Playboy Bunny and will shag them silly on demand to the liars and cheats to the desperate jerks to the boys who are still babies at 44 to the asshats who think any fat woman should kiss their ass and give it up because they are the only ones who would stoop low enough to have you - well, frankly, it is just too damn exhausting and pathetic.

Honestly, it is beginning to look like the best path would be to find a good woman and go together to Lovers' Lane and pick out our favorite penis for $19.95.

Greedy Capitalist Bastards

I just found out that my cats have been eating one of those cat foods that was just recalled for having illegal pesticides and additives used to make plastics incorporated into them. As some of you may have read, these illegal substances were incorporated into these cat foods to increase the protein content artificially and, thus, lead to higher profit margins. These substances can lead to permanent kidney damage, kidney failure and ultimately death.

Now, my cats have been eating a special prescription diet for almost two years because my youngest has severe IBD and protein allergies. If he does not it a special hypoallergenic food, he screams in horrible pain and has the worst diarrhea ever. I have been feeding them this special food so he doesn't die and here I may have been killing him all along.

I am angry and disgusted and I hope these bastards who took this shortcut in the name of the almighty dollar burn in the lowest levels of hell.

Unforunately, every other hypoallergenic food available also appears to be tainted by this filth. The food he has been eating is made with soy protein - no animal protein at all (yes, I have vegan cats). And he mostly eats dry food, because the wet food is very touch and go with him. Almost every other cat food out there is made with chicken, lamb or beef, which he is terribly allergic to. I am about to try Leo on this Wellness brand food made with salmon, turkey, and herring - all of which I believe to be proteins he can actually eat. I am a bit worried, as it has some chicken fat in it and chicken is a protein he can't eat. I'll let you know if the screaming starts again.

Update

Well, closing has happened, I started painting, and have been packing and moving small loads over to the new place whenever I can. I have been taking pictures and will post as soon as I get a bit more recombobulated. I have been spending the last couple of days finding new homes for my koi as they are now too big for their tank. I will not be able to do any moving this weekend because of a wedding (dammit).

Pray for me!

Fluff Posting

Well, the big push is finally here. Over the next few days I am going to be completely crazy what with the walking through, documenting, signing, packing, and moving type activities. Nevertheless, here is a fluff post to tide you over...

FIRSTS
1.Who was your first prom date?
I didn’t go to prom. High school was hell for me.

2. Who was your first roommate?
Some stuck up snotty bitch named Alison. She was very monied and I was completely fraeked about everything.

3. What was your first alcoholic drink?
Apparently, I had a wine cooler when I was about 16. I don't remember so maybe I had more than one....

4. What was your first job?
Not including lawn mowing and babysitting, my first job was as a summer janitor at Colfax High School. I haven't chewed gum since.

5. What was your first car?’
89 Dodge Omni

6. Name of 1st grade teacher?
I honestly have no idea…. It’s been so long ago! Did I go to 1st grade? I vaguely remember a lot of Farmer in the Dell and Frog Went A'Courtin' and kicking Ricky Hanestedt and not wanting to take a nap in kindergarten and I remember refusing to go to 2nd grade because "everyone hated me" but I remember nothing about 1st grade at all...

7. What was your first computer?
I had an Apple IIe. It spoke in the voice of Patrick Stewart.

8. Where was your first spring break?
I went to West Virginia on a service trip. I did a pseudo-Native America ritual one morning and freaked all the fundy kids out!

9. Where did you go on your first ride on an airplane?
From Chicago to Minneapolis for a conference at Carleton College.

10. When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was it with?
I never did this.

11. Who was your first best friend and are you still friends with them?
Probably Michelle Hanson. We still chat once in a while, but our lives are incredibly different and we have little in common now.

12. Where was your first sleep over?
At Judy Mizer’s house. I got homesick and puked everywhere.

13. Who is the first person you talk to in the morning?
the cats. Yes, they are people. Don't give me any lip.

14. Whose wedding were you in the first time?
My aunt Nancy’s… I was a flower girl.

15. What is the first thing you do in the morning?
trip over a cat. Which is why I usually talk to them first. I am busy cursing them out…..1

16. What was the first concert you ever went to?
Peter, Paul and Mary (folk) and The Moody Blues (rock).

17. First tattoo or piercing?
I got my ears pierced when I was about 5 as a reward for being a good girl during my allergy test. The ear piercing was horrible. I cried and hid behind a toilet after the first hole was punched.

18. First celebrity crush
Probably River Phoenix. I remember reading about him in Vegetarian Times. Why we had a Veggie Times at my house, I have no idea…..

19. First crush?
Gary Evanson. Jerk! I think he is in jail now.

20. First girl crush?
Oh, I have these all the time.....

21. When was your first detention?
I was a goody two shoes. No detention for me. Although I did get a demerit once for kicking Chad Lee after he teased me so bad and threatened to push me down the stairs.

22. What was the name of your first pet?
Maxie

23. First Kiss?
was disgusting...

24. Who was the first person to break your heart?
Kavan Peterson, but it was good that it happened because it made me jaded and cynical so when my heart got broken again, it was hardly a big deal.

25. Where was your first date?
All my dates have been terribly casual, usually involving coffee or dinner. I had one date that was brunch… that was my personal favorite

26. Who was the first person you dated this year? I have given up on dating, thank you. I am going to be a spinster aunt.

Words That Describe Yours Truly

A friend sent me a fun little game to play yesterday - the One Word Game. This is where you ask all your friends to describe you in just one word.... thus far here are the descriptions I have received of me:

enjoyable

eudaimoneous

brillant

empathetic

fun-loving

unique

giving

engaged

What's terribly funny is this: how people see me is totally related to our relationship. My intimates (family and lovers) see me as kind and companionable while my friends see me as eccentric. smart, and socially engaged, except for Blaise who believes me to be akin to a kindly otherwordly messenger somewhat like an angel but slightly more sinister.

Loves Me Some Surveys

1. Can you cook? Yes
2. What was your dream growing up? To be a T Rex or the benign dictator of a small country
3. What talent do you wish you had? The ability to transport myself hither and yon
4. Favorite place? Big Falls County Park
5. Favorite vegetable? Tomato. Wait, that's a fruit. Um, cabbage.
6. What was the last book you read? Firethorn
7. What zodiac sign are you? Pisces
8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? None anymore. I let my ear holes grow shut
9. Worst Habit? Playing with tweezers
10. Do we know each other outside of lj? I have no idea. What is lj?
11. What is your favorite sport? To do or watch? To do: walking in the forest. To watch: men's backstroke and women's volleyball
12. Negative or Optimistic attitude? About what?
13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me? Who are you? Don't come near me! 1
4. Worst thing to ever happen to you? Hmm, lots of things that seemed like the worst thing ever have become not so bad in retrospect.
15. Tell me one weird fact about you: When I was a little girl, I was convinced I was really an alien and that my real family was going to come and get me …
16. Do you have any pets? Here kitty kitty
17. Do you know how to do the macarena? No.
18. What time is it where you are now? 3:00 on the nose!
19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary? They're kinda stupid.
20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be? How long do you have
21. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience? Who are you again? And do you have any criminal talents?
22. What color eyes do you have? Gold hazel, but they are more green now than they were three years ago
23. Ever been arrested? No, but I should have been
24. Bottle or Draft? yuck
25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it? goodbye, student loans.
26. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew? I don't chew gum. When I was 16, I worked as a summer janitor at Colfax High School chiseling gum off the bottom of desks. Gack!
27. What's your favorite bar to hang at? Um, hell no.
28. Do you believe in ghosts? Oh yes. 2
9. Favorite thing to do in your spare time? Cook, feed people
30. Do you swear a lot? hehehhehehehehehehehehe
31. Biggest pet peeve? People who are always late 3
2. In one word, how would you describe yourself? bratty

Prologue
1. Where did you take your default pic? I will never tell.
2. What exactly are you wearing right now? Sweater, pants, socks
3.What is your current problem? I am feeling a bit tired and dizzy, and no, it is not because I am blonde.
4. What makes you most happy? Happiness is a process.
5. What's the name of the song that you're listening to? Nothing right now. I have the radio off. I listened to “Rabbit Bites” earlier.
6. Has anyone you've been really close with passed away? Depends on how close…
7. Do you like MTV? Not at all. It totally sucks now.
8. Name something that's really annoying to you? Liars. People who are never on time.

Chapter 1:
1. First name: Heather
2. Nicknames: HB, Earth Woman
3. My room... Won’t be my room for too much longer
4. Eye color: gold hazel, although they are greener now than they were three years ago

Chapter 2:
1. Do you live with your parent(s)? Um, hell no.
2. Do you get along with your parent(s) Usually
3. Are your parents married/separated/divorced? Divorced, thank god

Chapter 3: Favorite
1. Ice Cream flavor: I don’t really like ice cream
2. Season: Fall
3.Color(s): I go through phases. I am currently in a green phase but I think I am moving into a blue phase

Chapter 4: Do You..
1. Write on your hand? once in a while
2. Call people back? often but not always
3. Believe in love: no, it’s all endorphins
4. Sleep on a certain side of the bed? yes, strangely
5. Have any bad habits? hehehehehehehehehehehe. Yes.
6. Any mental health issues? I have seasonal depression which can be treated with Vit D supplements

Chapter 5: Have You...
1. Broken a bone?: I broke my tail bone. Worst pain ever!
2. Sprained anything? My ankles, many times over. Worst pain ever!
5. Taken painkillers? Yes, I had a shit load of Oxycontin but I hated it cause it messed with my dreams
6. Gone SCUBA diving or snorkeling: No, but I have gone body surfing
7. Been stung by a bee: I don’t recall ever being stung by a bee, but it could have happened when I was little bitty
8. Thrown up at the dentist's office: Not at the office, but I got kicked in the head once and had a concussion and puked multiple times in the emergency room.
9. Sworn in front of your parents? Yes, my mom was so proud the first time I openly cussed.
10. Had detention? Nope!
11. Been sent to the principals office: Yup

Chapter 6: Who/What was the last...

1. Movie you saw? Zodiac - it creeped me out!
2. Person to text? no one.
3. Person who called you? A chem. Prof wanting to schedule a meeting
4. Person to tackle you? um, not certain… maybe while playing football as a 6th grader. I did have someone drag me to bed. That was fun.
5. Thing you touched? My water bottle
6. Thing you ate/drank? chopped veggie salad
7. Last thing you said outloud? I can’t wait to get the hell out of Lake Forest.

My Bad

I usually can admit when I am wrong, and wrong I have been. yesterday, I went off on Home Depot for discontinuing the Earth Elements paints and replacing it with craptacular Ralph Lauren stuff. Well, the Ralph Lauren stuff is still awful, but it turns out that Earth Elements is actually a Lowe's paint, which make since as Lowe's is my preferred home improvement store of choice. So, Lowe's still has the line and this coming weekend, I will be traveling to Kenosha to pick colors (Kenosha is the nearest Lowe's).

It's actually a good thing I didn;t pick colors this last weekend because my book "Bungalow Style" just arrived through interlibrary loan and it has a section on choosing paint in bungalow homes and how you can update your colors while still staying true to the Arts and Crafts style. So, earth tones it is - but my choice will be jeweled earth tones. They are darker colors, which might make the space seem smaller, but they are rich and inviting. Yum!

Weekend of Nincompoopery

We all have bad weekends once in a while. Mine normally involve the idiocy and apathy of checkout children at various retailers. But this last weekend, everything went badly.

Everything started off well enough Friday night. I got 75% of the dishes and 50% of my laundry done, made a pot of chicken noodle soup, and went to a series of student-written plays here on campus. After the plays, i came back to eat dinner and realized that I am just souped out. I normally love chicken noodle soup, but I guess I have just had too much. It just sat in my frig all weekend. I will try again to eat it tonight, if it is still good, but I suspect I will be flushing it.

So, I went to bed to the sounds of student partying, which will be a constant now that the weather is nice. Woke up Saturday morning and headed out the door a little before 10, only to be flagged down by my neighbor. "Are you going somewhere?" she asked. "Yes, I actually have plans today." "Can you hold on for a few minutes and take me to the train station?" Umm, well, ok. This isn't the first time this last-minute trip has happened, and I normally don't mind, but I actually did have stuff to get done on Saturday, stuff related to my move and to my mortgage and to my attempts to find a wedding present for my cousin who is getting married one week after I close on the house.

Well, it turns out we both needed to go to the bank, so we did that, and then she walked to the train and I headed out to check out the HOBO store in Waukegan. HOBO stands for HomeOwner's Building Outlet. For those of you from the MA, it's kinda like a Bargain Outlet - part Ocean State Job Lot, part Home Depot, part Building 19. I had never been to the HOBO, but as a new homeowner, I figured I had better check it out and see what was there. Besides, the local advertisement said they had handcarts for $25, which I will need since I am moving most of my stuff by myself. So the HOBO was cool. Lots of stuff, most of it decent quality and cheap. I purchased a handcart and a cushion set for the nice wicker furniture mia madre has passed on to me for my new home.

Then, I headed off to Ace Hardware, where I wanted to get the paint chip booklet for their new "cultural tapestry" line, as featured in a newspaper article. I got there only to be told that despite the article and despite the website information, they didn't have the booklets yet. Come back Tuesday. Um, hell no.

So I headed south to the Home Improvement Show at the Lincolnshire Marriott. It was actually quite small. I was surprised. I wandered through while several unscrupulous contractors attempted to interest me in their services. I did connect with three that seemed good and had info from the Better Business Bureau that they are legititmate and were more interested in my needs than in selling me some $30K project. One designer I talked to told me she had the same problem in her condo as i have in my new house, i.e., a kitchen smaller than a postage stamp. She was actually somewhat excited about the possibilities but basically said that if I can't afford to be knocking out walls and totally reorienting the kitchen right now, there are some things that can be done sooner rather than later.

Now my original idea was to put the kitchen cart in the dining room and put the nucker-wave on the cart, which is ugly but I can't think of anywhere else to put it. But that takes up a lot of space and wastes a bunch more. And to tell the truth, I don't use the nucker-wave much and wouldn't use it at all if I planned ahead better. So, here's what I might do:

First, I can seek out help to get some of those above-the-stove nucker-waves or I can ditch the nucker alltogether. Second, Mia madre is gifting me her portable dishwasher, which she never uses but which also has a beautiful butcher block top. That will provide me with a nice countertop upon which to do meal prep. It can be situated in a little nook in the kitchen area. The garbage can go next to it. And then I can install shelving above the unit. The kitchen designer suggested having the bottom shelves be able to slide back and forth, so I can put my little appliances like the toaster oven and the coffee pot on the shelves and pull them out as I needed them. I can also use a drapery road and some metal hooks as a potrack, freeing up more space in the cupboards. All in all, it seems like a good temporary solution. As the designer said, if you can't spread out right now, spread up. A trip to Ikea might be in order to check out their kitchen set-ups.

So, that wasn;t so bad and I was feeling ok, so I headed off to HomeGoods to see if I could find my cousin a wedding present. Nothing, not a thing, and it started pouring.

So I went home and was all mopey, and was still all obsessed about picking out paint colors for my house and kicking myself because i seem to have fallen in love with a color called "White Raisin," which is, well, you know, white-ish. And I am not liking the traditional colors suggested by the Arts and Crafts movement (my house in as arts and crafts house) because they are dull and boring and oh so neutral when I remembered that Home Depot has this line of colors called Earth Elements and while they are, well, earthy, they are some richer jewel tones in there as well. So, on Sunday morning I woke up early early and headed to Home Depot, where I waited 20 minutes for a cart, because they had no associates to collect carts from outside and my hands were full and they wouldn't let me leave the store, only to discover, after finally receiving a cart, that, within the last month, the Earth Eements series has been moved out in favor of some crap ass Ralph Lauren paint colors. Which are ugly and require very expensive special equipment to put up and which actually got pretty bad reviews in a consumer review magazine. So I did get rollers and brushes and painters' tape and four nice clematis as well as a bamboo design vinyl stick for that window that is in my shower (window in shower - the neighbors do not deserve such a sight) and headed off to Bed Bath and Beyond, because I wanted to price towels, only to laugh like a mad woman when I found out that the cheapest towels they sell are like $9 a piece (yeah right) and then I head to the TJ Maxx to search yet again for the wedding present.

Why am I making this so hard, you might ask? Your cousin does have a registry. But it is a WalMart registry. I can't do it. I just can't. it causes me great spiritual pain just contemplating it. I mean, if you are going to go through the tremendous hassel of getting married at all and you are actually going to, you know, register for gifts, you should at least go to someplace like Kohl's and get half way decent stuff that won't fall apart next week. Ugh!

Anyway, I wandered through the store and finally found a niec gift that scraemed "Heather gave this to me," a very nice ceramic apple pie dish with a cover shaped like, get this, and apple pie crust. Too cute. I took it to the front and the clerk begins to ring it up and then all of a sudden stops and hands the plate to what I presume is a manager who leaves with it and the clerk starts folding clothing. I just looked at her. A couple of minutes go by. "Um, what is the problem? Why are you not ringing up my purchase." "Oh she has to look up a price." "But the price is on it." "Well, there is an old sticker on the top and she has to make sure you didn't try to scratch it off." I just looked at her, again. Really, a $20 pie plate is not worth the aggravation. About five minutes later, the manager comes back and takes the plate and puts it on a shelf. "I can't sell this to you." "What's the problem?" "I don't believe they go together. I can't find the piece the top goes to." "But the two pieces were together on the shelf." "But I don't think they go together." "Why not?" "Well, the top has an old price tag that is partially removed, so they don't belong together." "But they are by the same maker and they, um, you know, fit together, like hand in glove." "I don't care. I am not selling them to you. We'll have to throw them away." "Did you ever stop to think that the top should never have had a price tag on it and that your worker screwed up and tried to scratch it off? " "That doesn't happen here." "Really? What about the three pairs of jeans I was thinking of buying, none of which had price tags?" And the manager just walked away. And the sales clerk eyed me nervously and said, "I'll ring up the rest of your purchase." I told her not to bother, that their customer service was so poor, I would never come back.

And I walked back out into the pouring rain.... idiots.