Kitten Free

So last night, I attempted to make friend with my new kitten family, and gave them food and sat very quiet and got them used to me. Momma was having none of it. As long as I didn't move or come within two feet, she was fine. Otherwise, she hissed like a cobra. The kittens were interested but a bit skittsih. I watched and watched, and then went inside to watch. Momma finally decided that it was safe enough to go hunt, and I decided it was time to make a move and catch the babies.

I put on my trusty gloves and took a cat carrier out with me. I even managed to pet the heads of two of the kittens. But the instant I grabbed one, it was like holding a live firecracker. Never heard such spitting and yowling in my life! Not even when I had to give Leo a bath.

Well, momma was not as far away as I had thought and she came at me like a lightning bolt! I screamed and ran like a little girl, leaving the cat carrier behind. This morning, I looked and I don't see them anywhere. Maybe momma decided that my house actually wasn't the kind of neighborhood she wanted to be in and moved them elsewhere. And I hope that a skunk hasn't taken up housekeeping in my abandoned cat carrier. I certainly don't want to capture one of those.

Below is Pele not giving a shit:

And here's Leo suggesting that those things are fine to look at from afar but how dare you actually get close to one!

I Have Kittens!

Last night, as I was sitting and reading, I heard a cat cry outside. I figured it was just one of the neighborhood cats walking by, saying "hi" to Leo, who has been stationed in the front window for several days. Enjoying the sun, I thought. Leokin loves him some sun.

This morning, I headed out a bit later than normal. I had been waiting for AT&T to actually come and hook up the phone, which they were supposed to do on Tuesday but apparently gaked it up. Anyway, I headed out the door and looked over the railing and the evil evergreen bushes in front of my house, wondering when the damn tree guy would call me back so we could get something scheduled for the removal of the ugly shrubs. Sunddenly, I saw movement. And more movement. And even more movement!

Yes, dear reader, yours truly, had kittens. They look to be about 6-8 weeks old. Their eyes are open and they scoot around like crazy. Apparently, Leo has not been enjoying the sun so much as he has been enjoying the theater taking place in my ugly shrubs. Which is funny, 'cause Leo is not so fond of other animals, except his sister and, of course, fish, birds and squirrels. And sometimes bugs, if I have them.

So, I called mia madre to see if she had any hints for what to do, my first instinct being to feed them, which of course would mean that I would officially become their human feeder #1 and they would never go away. She suggested live trapping and a thick pair of leather gloves.

Anyway, I decided to take some food and water out to them because it has been hot and all my birds have disappeared. I took the dishes around the side of the house only to discover that momma kitty is actually around. She looks a little worse for wear. She is definitely pissed off and might be feral. It's hard to tell when they are being all fierce about their offspring. It looks like there are 4-5 kittens. It can be hard to tell when they get in the thick branches. They are all various shades and degrees of grey and white, and there looks to be one that is a long-haired dilute tortie and is just gorgeous. One appears to have a leg injury of some type, perhaps broken. I will spend the next few days attempting to befriend them, so hopefully I can capture at least the kittens and take them to the no kill shelter. If they are healthy and FIV-negative, I might even agree to foster them until they can find homes. I don't think I will be able to capture the momma without a full suit of body armor, though.

Sadly, I find myself tempted to keep one, maybe even the tortie. I guess I am an old softy. Leo, however, gets a little worked up when new animals come into the home and it sets off his IBD. Then again, he has been watching them. Maybe he would think it was an old friend. Pele would just love to have a kitten in the house. Hell, I had to grab her by the scruff of the neck this morning as she attempted to scape through the front door and go mothering.

Roasted Corn, Mexican Style

I went to a new grocery store near my house on Monday night. It was a little mini version of Garden Fresh market, leaning strongly to the Latino. It has a decent if not huge variety. It's prices were a bit higher than I would have liked, but it had a lack of frozen, convenience food, which, in my book, is a good thing. Outside, they had a person selling roasted. God, did it smell good! There is nothing quite like the smell of roasted corn. I decided to get one. The clerk asked if I wanted it traditional Mexican style.

Well, I am always up for something new, so I said why not? She began by spritzing it with spray butter and then coating it with what I assumed was near melted butter, then coasted in Mexican dry cheese and sprinkled it with chilli powder. I took it home and took a bite.

Um, that old adage about assuming? Too true.

What I thought was butter was actually mayonnaise. On roasted corn. Didn't like it. Tasted funny. Weird texture. And I should have known it was mayonnaise. When I worked at the Latino agency, we went through mayo like nobody's business. A favorite treat of some of my co-workers? Mayo put on bread and then chucked in the toaster oven. Not nearly as bad as it sounds to Norte Americano ears.

I took my roasted cord to the sink and washed it off. Frankly, it was much better plain. I guess next time I will know to just ask for butter, salt, and chilli. Live and learn! How much sadder would it have been to not have tasted it at all?

Why Do You Need to Know? Or: Heather Continues Her Crusade Against Idiocy in Retail

So, Friday night, I had to return a couple of items of clothing I purchased that I had decided I didn't like. All of them were brand new and still had tags attached. I still had the receipt. They had been purchased less than seven days before. Should be no problem, right.

Wrong.

My first transaction went well. I needed to return a pair of women's Dockers to Marshalls, as they had been marked incorrectly on the size. I went to the line, waited not three minutes, and the very helpful sales clerk offered me cash, although I had paid with my debit card. Afterwards, I tooteled around the store, picked up a hunting-cabin-warming gift for mia madre and a bottle of snooty BBQ sauce that looked interesting, and went off to my next return.

I drove down the street to the Avenue, where the woman at the counter said to me, in a snotty voice, "You have a return?" Yes, please. I was still in a good mood from my Marshall's visit. In fact, I was feeling disgustingly cooperative. She yells loudly to another clerk, "I got a return!" Ok. The other young clerk comes over to take care of my transaction. Her first words? "I need your phone number." Um, why? "The computer says I need your phone number in case corporate needs to call you to see if this is really a return." Um, the product is right here. I am returning it. Ergo, is it not a real return? "I have to have your phone number." Well, I don't want to give you my phone number. I don't want to be put on some telemarketer's list. The clerk calls the manager. "This lady won't give her phone number." I explain to the manager that too many times companies like the Avenue have said they needed my phone number only to sell it to telemarketers and that I chose not to provide my phone number to anyone except close friends and family and my employer and my doctor. "Well, we need something so that if corporate has any questions about our performance they can contact you." Now I feel this is a line of bullshit, but I give them my work number because otherwise, we are just not moving forward toward getting me back my $30. Then:

"Ma'am, I need your home address."

Excuse fucking me? You do not need my home address for me to return an unworn garmet with receipt and original tags still attached.

"I am sorry. I do not wish to provide you with my home address. I don't want my home address sold to junk mail outlets and I especially do not want you to have my home address stored in your computers in conjunction with my credit card information. I was the victim of similar practices at TJX and DSW. Then they got hacked, and it cost me a lot of money and time to get my identity back and repair my credit."

"Well, ma'am, I am afraid that we will not refund your money unless you give us this information."

Now, nowhere in the store is this information posted. No where does it say that if you want to return an item, you must provide all sorts of personal information just to get your money back. No where. It doesn't say this on the receipt either.

So I was left with a choice. Give them my personal info to get my money back or walk away from the money and suck it up. Sadly, I needed the damn money.

I gave her an old address. I knew it was all a damn ploy to get my email so they could send me crap and sell my address, because I heard the manager say to the clerk, "Just keep hitting no. Make sure you hit no, or she will get mail." I informed the manager that I would never shop at Avenue again, and would inform everyone else.

Sadly, however, the Avenue is not the only retailer who is behaving in idiotic ways. I recently attempted to make a purchase at a TJ Maxx where the sales clerk refused to ring up my purchases unless I gave him my telephone number. I dropped over $100 worth of merchandise on his counter and walked out the door. The manager was about having a fit. The same thing when I went to the grocery store and was about to sign up for one of those grocery savings cards. Those dorks wanted to photocopy my driver's license. Photocopy my driver's license! So I could get 10 ears of corn for a dollar! Um, hell no!

So, retailers. Heads up. YOU DO NOT NEED THIS INFORMATION. You need my money, and if you continue to act like this, you aren't going to get it anymore.

Don't Laugh!

I often get a lot of guff because I walk with my head down scanning the ground, usually. Mostly I am looking for rocks, being a rapid rockhound. In fact, everytime I move, I literally move a box of rocks. Sadly, a lot of people just don't get this. They wonder why I do it. As a result I am seen as everything from weird to freaky to timid, etc.

Well, what I am really doing is trying to make a big gemstone score, peeps. And it can happen, as it did to this nice girl:

"Walking along a path taken by thousands of others at the Crater of Diamonds State Park, Nicole Ruhter noticed something everyone else had missed — a tea-colored, 2.93-carat diamond."

Take that, doodz!

Much Ado About Nothing

So I got all excited about these pork spines 'cause they're cheap, only to do some research and find out that they are simply neck bones. Kinda like Ox Tails in reverse. Apparently they are used to make soup, especially in Korea and Mexico. I found one Korean recipe but it involves a million ingredients that I don't have and that I will have to go into the city to get. And since the recipe says the aroma of a cooking pork spine is pretty intense and that all windows in your kitchen should be open during cooking, I am not so keen to make a special trip just to try.

Still, I am going to have to do something. The price of food is going up exponentially. In Chicago, the price of a dozen eggs has jumped 81% since last year, according to an article that is in today's Chicago Tribune. And meat is going higher and higher because the cost of corn feed has skyrocketed, as more and more corn is used for ethanol. For our gas guzzling vehicles. What's worse is that most major meat manufacturers (and yes, I call them this because they sure as hell aren't butchers or farmers anymore) are injecting meat with a brine. Nowadays, this means that between 7-15% of the meat you buy is nothing but artificially added salt water. But you are still paying for that weight as if it were actual meat. Meat manufacturers claim they do this because it helps the home cook keep their meat juicy and moist. I call bullshit. Anyone who wants to know how to keep their meat juicy and moist while cooking can just read a cookbook or look up an article on foodnetwork.com. I, frankly, think it is disgusting and immoral. And bad for cooking. The other day, I decided to bake some chicken leg quarters. They threw off so much moisture from the artificially added brine that they steamed instead of roasted and were so salty, despite the fact that I add no salt whatsoever, that I could hardly eat them.

And going veggie is not always a good thing either. India is a major supplier of dulses or legumes to the world. In recent years, they have curtailed the amount of lentils or dals they have exported because they haven't had enough to supply their own population, effectively driving the price of lentils up mondo high. During a recent trip to the Indian market, I purchased 8 pounds of lentils at a price of $15, more than $2 a pound. Lentils shouldn't cost as much as subgrade chicken parts.

I am seriously thinking about ordering some grassraised organic meat this upcoming afll. Anyone want to go Dutch on a half of beef?

Recipes?

My local bodega has pork spine for 89 cents a pound. Anyone got any recipes? It's the cheapest animal protein I have found in my area.

Quick and Easy Guacamole

Here is a lazy person's version of guacamole that I made over the weekend.

4 ripe avacados (they are ripe when still firm but with a slight give to the touch)
1 T garlic powder
1/2 cup salsa (use your favorite. This will allow you to make the guacamole as hot as you prefer)
salt to taste

Open the avacados by splitting in half and then removing the pit. Scoop the flesh out of the skin with a spoon into a bowl. Mash up. I used a potato masher, but I fork would do. Leave it a little chunky. Add garlic powder and then salsa, and mix until well blended. Add salt to taste. Serve with chips and veggies or spread onto a sandwich in place of mayo. To store, put in a plastic container and then cover with plastic wrap. make certain wrap touches the guacamole, making certain that no air can get at it. Air is the enemy of avacados and will turn it brownish grey and who wants to eat that?

More appliances!



So, joy of joys, my new washer and dryer finally arrived today, almost a month after I purchased them. Apparently everyone in the known universe, or at least the northern burbs of Illinois, purchased a washer and dryer at the same time, so it took forever for my purchase to reach my home. Which means, I have been hanging clothes out to dry, which smells nice but is always a pain because it often rains on the weekend, meaning my poor clothes don't always have a chance to dry.



It was an interesting delivery, and I once again shocked and outraged the Latino delivery guys by being incredible strong. For a fat chick. Apparently, a door was installed in the basement sometime after the old washer and dryer were put down there and we couldn't get the old appliances out without removing the door. Normally not a big deal, right? Pop some hinges and away you go. But these doors were bolted and nailed on. With big damn nails. Well, the bolts were stripped and not moving so I had to yank the nails out. They were 5 inches long. I broke a hammer doing it, you know, that claw part of the hammer. Which pisses me off a bit as it was on my nice wood-handled hammer, wood-handled hammers being very hard to find nowadays.



Either way, I got the door off and received a round of applause from the Latino guys, who wanted to know if I worked in construction, and they hauled away the old and brought in the new. The washer works fine, although I have to get a shim for the backside as it rocks a bit (they were impressed I knew what a shim was and that I could purchase cedar shims at Home Depot), and they installed the dryer and did some weird little chemical test that showed that there was no leak in the gas line.



Oh, the gas leak. I mentioned that earlier. The previous owners had mentioned there was a weird gas smell when they used the dryer and they thought the dryer itself had a leak, but weren't sure, which could mean that the line to the dryer had a leak. Which is not a good thing and much more expensive to fix.



Well, they got the new dryer hooked up, turned the gas on full steam ahead and did their chemical test around all the joints and on the new connector and the chemical didn't react and I ran it for 30 minutes and there was no funny smell, so there is no gas leak and it was the old dryer that was spitzing. I still might have the gas company come out and do a general safety inspection, just to put my mind at ease. And I did turn the gas off to the dryer anyways, until I can be there for a whole day, turn it on, and really check and see if there was a funny gas smell in the basement.



Either way, I shall soon have all clean clothes. And blankets and towels, as these appliances are supersized and will do 16 bath sheets at a crack! Whaaaahoooooooo!

Funny from My Friend Kristen - Joke and Recipe All in One!

This is the fairy tale that should have been read to us when we were little:

Once upon a time
~~~~~~~~
in a land far away,
~~~~~~~~
a beautiful, independent,
self-assured princess
~~~~~~~~
happened upon a frog as she sat
contemplating ecological issues
on the shores of an unpolluted pond
in a verdant meadow near her castle.
~~~~~~~~
The frog hopped into the princess' lap
and said: “Elegant Lady,
I was once a handsome prince,
until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
~~~~~~~~
One kiss from you, however,
and I will turn back
into the dapper, young prince that I am
~~~~~~~~
and then, my sweet, we can marry
~~~~~~~~
and set up housekeeping in your castle
~~~~~~~~
with my mother,
~~~~~~~~
where you can prepare my meals,
~~~~~~~~
clean my clothes, bear my children,
~~~~~~~~
and forever feel
grateful and happy doing so. "
~~~~~~~~
That night,
~~~~~~~~
as the princess dined sumptuously
~~~~~~~~
on lightly sautéed frog legs
~~~~~~~~
seasoned in a white wine
~~~~~~~
and onion cream sauce,
~~~~~~~~
she chuckled and thought to herself:
~~~~~~~~
I don't freakin think so.

Some Pictures at Last!

So, I finally got my pictures downloaded and I hope you all enjoy what you see. The first set are some of the before pictures. The first is looking into the dining room from the living room: Then, the evil pumpkin colored office:

Soon, Heather begins to paint. God, it took forever! And really, I need to do some additional coats. At some point. Like right before I sell or something.

Then! Voila! Due to the miracles of modern technology, the house is ready! First, my room. Notice how I only painted two walls. Am I being artistic or just lazy? Will we ever know the truth? To the left, notice the nice flowered cutain. I made that out of a table cloth.

Then, the office. Notice it is still pumpkin colored. However, considering how tired I was and have been, it remains unpainted. Someday, it will be a tranquil sea green.....

Below, the quest room. This paint was truly horrible. It was rather like troweling mud onto the wall. But mia madre, did an excellent job of painting, did she not? And all of those books for my non-existant children! How hilarious!

A view of the living room though the dining room. So cavelike. So yellow.

And here, a look at part of the living room. It is rather a serene space, actually. Of course, getting used to almost no tv has been interesting. I saw a part of Conan the Barbarian. In Spanish. And then Tank Girl. In Spanish. And then, get this, Kung Fu. In Spanish. Triple dubbing! Seriously, though, I don't get all that many channels with my little antenna, but I get several Spanish channels and one multi-ethnic but mostly Indian channel that is quite interesting.

And here, the beautiful dining room. Which actually doesn;t get used all that much. As I get almost no visitors. This means you, dammit.

Finally, the cats see to really enjoy it. here's Leo stalking out his end of the couch.

And Pele, basking in the glory that is the East window.

The HaHa House is ready for visitors!

So I finished unpacking Monday night and except for the need to print out some of my own photos and hang them on the wall, the house is set. I will be taking and posting pictures soon. My new washer and dryer will be delivered this upcoming weekend, and I hope the minor gas leak problem with the dryer is fixed with the addition of the new appliance. If not, i will have to have someone come out and install a new gas pipe. Which is not such a big deal, I guess, except that I do need to do laundry and would prefer to not go to the local lavandaria.

In other house news, I have ordered a new vinyl shower window curtain that will hopefully handle my water problem. See, the house was built before showers became popular, and, as a result, has an unfortunately placed window in the path of the shower spray. The water goes under the window, into the frame, and sprays out into the driveway. Eventually, I will have to have the window removed, but until then, the specially designed Vermont Country Store vinyl curtain should sufice.

I have also got my bird feeders up and I have at least two cardinals and three orioles. And a million squirrels who have figured out how to open the bird feeder. My little herb garden is in and growing well, and I am about to do major outdoor landscaping. I have at least two whole summers' worth of projects.

I am hoping that Leo's hypoallergenic food will come back on the market soon. His loose poops are becoming problematic, what with Pele's huge belly that drags where it shouldn't be dragging. God, I had to give her a bath last night at 3 am because she must have gone into the box right after Leo-kins was finished. Yuck yuck yuck! I am sad to say that when these two kittehs pass on, I am going to be done with pets for a while.....

Update on Kitteh

As I am still unpacking and have no photos to share yet, I thought I would give an update on the Leo-kin. You know, he's the one with the IBD whose special hypoallergenic food was recalled, thrusting us into crises and wonder what was going to happen? Well, I got this new food from Neuro Wellness. It is made with human grade salman and herring and all the ingredients are from the United States. He started eating it two Fridays ago, and he seems to be doing ok. The first few days were pretty bad - lots of cramping and some screaming. But since then, he has only an occassional cry and/or mrurp sound, which might be related to moving stress rather than the food. Moreover, he looks like he might even have gained weight (a very good thing) and his coat is quite sleek and glossy. He almost looks healthy again, instead of looking like a dehydrated tri-athelete. The only bad side effects are that his droppings have gotten to be very soft again and, well, let's be honest here - they stink to high heaven. I mean dear god. Smelley Cat has nothing on the Leo-kin.

A Bit Sad

Unpacking continues to go well. I have only 3 smallish boxes left and a few piddly things to do. Mia madre has been a tremendous help, even doing the laundry and hanging it on the line as I currently have no working dryer. I expect to be able to post some pictures soon, well as soon as I find my downloading cord.

Still, despite how well everything is going - even if I have been spilling the gas in the back of my car - I am feeling a bit sad. Having mia madre around for the last couple of weeks has made me realize that I am actually a bit depressed and lonely. I haven't made any g0ood friends like I had in Boston. Most of my friends are work friends and they are great, but they go home at night to their other lives. As they rightly should. I have been trying to get more involved in activities, but not much luck there either. And yes I know it takes time, but still. So I am a bit sad this day....

I have a new stove. A Kenmore from Sears. It's lovely. It also shuts off when asked to do so. Rejoice!

Anyhoo, the unpacking is going well... just a few more boxes of weird odds and ends and office stuff. The new house is forcing some reorganizing, particularly in the office crap. I have to go to The Container Store tonight to get containers for all my office crap, because there I don't have as many easily accessible bins for office crap as I used (not sure how this happened, unless the gnomes stole them). I put a few curtains up. It kinda looks like a house now!

I Am Not a Dumb Woman,
You Sexist Bastard

So, I have been in the deapths of moving over the last two days. Last night, around 8:30, I hauled in the second to the last vehicle-full o'crap and then proceeded to change clothes and suggest to mia madre, who is down helping, that we go somewhere for steak. About to head out the door, I said, "Do you smell something hot?"

Indeed, something was hot: the slightly defective oven that I knew had to be replaced within the next month. Somehow, it was turned on. And, even when we moved the knob back to "off," it stayed on. And got hotter and hotter. And neither of us could find the gas turn off, not that I had my toolbox available to get a wrench and turn it off, anyhow.

So, I ran next door to the neighbor's to see if I could get the number for the gas company. I knocked on the door and saw that the person inside could see me, and he just ignored me. Looked right at me and then looked away. So I ran to another neighbors, who despite the fact that I don't speak Spanish well and they didn't speak English well, managed to understand and get me the number for the gas company.

Well, the gas guy showed up and fiddled with the knob and goes, "It's off." I said, "No, it isn't. It will come back on. We tried the same thing - it seemed off but then it popped back on." He gave me this look like I was a stupid female and repeated himself. I asked him to disconnect it from the gas line. Which he did, but somewhat sulkily.

So, tonight, instead of relaxing after two exhausting days of movage, I will be going to Sears and getting a new range. And since I need a new gas dryer, I will be getting that as well. Joy!

Giving up on dating

So I am giving up on dating. What between the closeted gay guys who think if they can get married, their gayness will magically disappear to the those searching for a mommy who looks like a Playboy Bunny and will shag them silly on demand to the liars and cheats to the desperate jerks to the boys who are still babies at 44 to the asshats who think any fat woman should kiss their ass and give it up because they are the only ones who would stoop low enough to have you - well, frankly, it is just too damn exhausting and pathetic.

Honestly, it is beginning to look like the best path would be to find a good woman and go together to Lovers' Lane and pick out our favorite penis for $19.95.

Greedy Capitalist Bastards

I just found out that my cats have been eating one of those cat foods that was just recalled for having illegal pesticides and additives used to make plastics incorporated into them. As some of you may have read, these illegal substances were incorporated into these cat foods to increase the protein content artificially and, thus, lead to higher profit margins. These substances can lead to permanent kidney damage, kidney failure and ultimately death.

Now, my cats have been eating a special prescription diet for almost two years because my youngest has severe IBD and protein allergies. If he does not it a special hypoallergenic food, he screams in horrible pain and has the worst diarrhea ever. I have been feeding them this special food so he doesn't die and here I may have been killing him all along.

I am angry and disgusted and I hope these bastards who took this shortcut in the name of the almighty dollar burn in the lowest levels of hell.

Unforunately, every other hypoallergenic food available also appears to be tainted by this filth. The food he has been eating is made with soy protein - no animal protein at all (yes, I have vegan cats). And he mostly eats dry food, because the wet food is very touch and go with him. Almost every other cat food out there is made with chicken, lamb or beef, which he is terribly allergic to. I am about to try Leo on this Wellness brand food made with salmon, turkey, and herring - all of which I believe to be proteins he can actually eat. I am a bit worried, as it has some chicken fat in it and chicken is a protein he can't eat. I'll let you know if the screaming starts again.

Update

Well, closing has happened, I started painting, and have been packing and moving small loads over to the new place whenever I can. I have been taking pictures and will post as soon as I get a bit more recombobulated. I have been spending the last couple of days finding new homes for my koi as they are now too big for their tank. I will not be able to do any moving this weekend because of a wedding (dammit).

Pray for me!

Fluff Posting

Well, the big push is finally here. Over the next few days I am going to be completely crazy what with the walking through, documenting, signing, packing, and moving type activities. Nevertheless, here is a fluff post to tide you over...

FIRSTS
1.Who was your first prom date?
I didn’t go to prom. High school was hell for me.

2. Who was your first roommate?
Some stuck up snotty bitch named Alison. She was very monied and I was completely fraeked about everything.

3. What was your first alcoholic drink?
Apparently, I had a wine cooler when I was about 16. I don't remember so maybe I had more than one....

4. What was your first job?
Not including lawn mowing and babysitting, my first job was as a summer janitor at Colfax High School. I haven't chewed gum since.

5. What was your first car?’
89 Dodge Omni

6. Name of 1st grade teacher?
I honestly have no idea…. It’s been so long ago! Did I go to 1st grade? I vaguely remember a lot of Farmer in the Dell and Frog Went A'Courtin' and kicking Ricky Hanestedt and not wanting to take a nap in kindergarten and I remember refusing to go to 2nd grade because "everyone hated me" but I remember nothing about 1st grade at all...

7. What was your first computer?
I had an Apple IIe. It spoke in the voice of Patrick Stewart.

8. Where was your first spring break?
I went to West Virginia on a service trip. I did a pseudo-Native America ritual one morning and freaked all the fundy kids out!

9. Where did you go on your first ride on an airplane?
From Chicago to Minneapolis for a conference at Carleton College.

10. When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was it with?
I never did this.

11. Who was your first best friend and are you still friends with them?
Probably Michelle Hanson. We still chat once in a while, but our lives are incredibly different and we have little in common now.

12. Where was your first sleep over?
At Judy Mizer’s house. I got homesick and puked everywhere.

13. Who is the first person you talk to in the morning?
the cats. Yes, they are people. Don't give me any lip.

14. Whose wedding were you in the first time?
My aunt Nancy’s… I was a flower girl.

15. What is the first thing you do in the morning?
trip over a cat. Which is why I usually talk to them first. I am busy cursing them out…..1

16. What was the first concert you ever went to?
Peter, Paul and Mary (folk) and The Moody Blues (rock).

17. First tattoo or piercing?
I got my ears pierced when I was about 5 as a reward for being a good girl during my allergy test. The ear piercing was horrible. I cried and hid behind a toilet after the first hole was punched.

18. First celebrity crush
Probably River Phoenix. I remember reading about him in Vegetarian Times. Why we had a Veggie Times at my house, I have no idea…..

19. First crush?
Gary Evanson. Jerk! I think he is in jail now.

20. First girl crush?
Oh, I have these all the time.....

21. When was your first detention?
I was a goody two shoes. No detention for me. Although I did get a demerit once for kicking Chad Lee after he teased me so bad and threatened to push me down the stairs.

22. What was the name of your first pet?
Maxie

23. First Kiss?
was disgusting...

24. Who was the first person to break your heart?
Kavan Peterson, but it was good that it happened because it made me jaded and cynical so when my heart got broken again, it was hardly a big deal.

25. Where was your first date?
All my dates have been terribly casual, usually involving coffee or dinner. I had one date that was brunch… that was my personal favorite

26. Who was the first person you dated this year? I have given up on dating, thank you. I am going to be a spinster aunt.

Words That Describe Yours Truly

A friend sent me a fun little game to play yesterday - the One Word Game. This is where you ask all your friends to describe you in just one word.... thus far here are the descriptions I have received of me:

enjoyable

eudaimoneous

brillant

empathetic

fun-loving

unique

giving

engaged

What's terribly funny is this: how people see me is totally related to our relationship. My intimates (family and lovers) see me as kind and companionable while my friends see me as eccentric. smart, and socially engaged, except for Blaise who believes me to be akin to a kindly otherwordly messenger somewhat like an angel but slightly more sinister.

Loves Me Some Surveys

1. Can you cook? Yes
2. What was your dream growing up? To be a T Rex or the benign dictator of a small country
3. What talent do you wish you had? The ability to transport myself hither and yon
4. Favorite place? Big Falls County Park
5. Favorite vegetable? Tomato. Wait, that's a fruit. Um, cabbage.
6. What was the last book you read? Firethorn
7. What zodiac sign are you? Pisces
8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? None anymore. I let my ear holes grow shut
9. Worst Habit? Playing with tweezers
10. Do we know each other outside of lj? I have no idea. What is lj?
11. What is your favorite sport? To do or watch? To do: walking in the forest. To watch: men's backstroke and women's volleyball
12. Negative or Optimistic attitude? About what?
13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me? Who are you? Don't come near me! 1
4. Worst thing to ever happen to you? Hmm, lots of things that seemed like the worst thing ever have become not so bad in retrospect.
15. Tell me one weird fact about you: When I was a little girl, I was convinced I was really an alien and that my real family was going to come and get me …
16. Do you have any pets? Here kitty kitty
17. Do you know how to do the macarena? No.
18. What time is it where you are now? 3:00 on the nose!
19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary? They're kinda stupid.
20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be? How long do you have
21. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience? Who are you again? And do you have any criminal talents?
22. What color eyes do you have? Gold hazel, but they are more green now than they were three years ago
23. Ever been arrested? No, but I should have been
24. Bottle or Draft? yuck
25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it? goodbye, student loans.
26. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew? I don't chew gum. When I was 16, I worked as a summer janitor at Colfax High School chiseling gum off the bottom of desks. Gack!
27. What's your favorite bar to hang at? Um, hell no.
28. Do you believe in ghosts? Oh yes. 2
9. Favorite thing to do in your spare time? Cook, feed people
30. Do you swear a lot? hehehhehehehehehehehehe
31. Biggest pet peeve? People who are always late 3
2. In one word, how would you describe yourself? bratty

Prologue
1. Where did you take your default pic? I will never tell.
2. What exactly are you wearing right now? Sweater, pants, socks
3.What is your current problem? I am feeling a bit tired and dizzy, and no, it is not because I am blonde.
4. What makes you most happy? Happiness is a process.
5. What's the name of the song that you're listening to? Nothing right now. I have the radio off. I listened to “Rabbit Bites” earlier.
6. Has anyone you've been really close with passed away? Depends on how close…
7. Do you like MTV? Not at all. It totally sucks now.
8. Name something that's really annoying to you? Liars. People who are never on time.

Chapter 1:
1. First name: Heather
2. Nicknames: HB, Earth Woman
3. My room... Won’t be my room for too much longer
4. Eye color: gold hazel, although they are greener now than they were three years ago

Chapter 2:
1. Do you live with your parent(s)? Um, hell no.
2. Do you get along with your parent(s) Usually
3. Are your parents married/separated/divorced? Divorced, thank god

Chapter 3: Favorite
1. Ice Cream flavor: I don’t really like ice cream
2. Season: Fall
3.Color(s): I go through phases. I am currently in a green phase but I think I am moving into a blue phase

Chapter 4: Do You..
1. Write on your hand? once in a while
2. Call people back? often but not always
3. Believe in love: no, it’s all endorphins
4. Sleep on a certain side of the bed? yes, strangely
5. Have any bad habits? hehehehehehehehehehehe. Yes.
6. Any mental health issues? I have seasonal depression which can be treated with Vit D supplements

Chapter 5: Have You...
1. Broken a bone?: I broke my tail bone. Worst pain ever!
2. Sprained anything? My ankles, many times over. Worst pain ever!
5. Taken painkillers? Yes, I had a shit load of Oxycontin but I hated it cause it messed with my dreams
6. Gone SCUBA diving or snorkeling: No, but I have gone body surfing
7. Been stung by a bee: I don’t recall ever being stung by a bee, but it could have happened when I was little bitty
8. Thrown up at the dentist's office: Not at the office, but I got kicked in the head once and had a concussion and puked multiple times in the emergency room.
9. Sworn in front of your parents? Yes, my mom was so proud the first time I openly cussed.
10. Had detention? Nope!
11. Been sent to the principals office: Yup

Chapter 6: Who/What was the last...

1. Movie you saw? Zodiac - it creeped me out!
2. Person to text? no one.
3. Person who called you? A chem. Prof wanting to schedule a meeting
4. Person to tackle you? um, not certain… maybe while playing football as a 6th grader. I did have someone drag me to bed. That was fun.
5. Thing you touched? My water bottle
6. Thing you ate/drank? chopped veggie salad
7. Last thing you said outloud? I can’t wait to get the hell out of Lake Forest.

My Bad

I usually can admit when I am wrong, and wrong I have been. yesterday, I went off on Home Depot for discontinuing the Earth Elements paints and replacing it with craptacular Ralph Lauren stuff. Well, the Ralph Lauren stuff is still awful, but it turns out that Earth Elements is actually a Lowe's paint, which make since as Lowe's is my preferred home improvement store of choice. So, Lowe's still has the line and this coming weekend, I will be traveling to Kenosha to pick colors (Kenosha is the nearest Lowe's).

It's actually a good thing I didn;t pick colors this last weekend because my book "Bungalow Style" just arrived through interlibrary loan and it has a section on choosing paint in bungalow homes and how you can update your colors while still staying true to the Arts and Crafts style. So, earth tones it is - but my choice will be jeweled earth tones. They are darker colors, which might make the space seem smaller, but they are rich and inviting. Yum!

Weekend of Nincompoopery

We all have bad weekends once in a while. Mine normally involve the idiocy and apathy of checkout children at various retailers. But this last weekend, everything went badly.

Everything started off well enough Friday night. I got 75% of the dishes and 50% of my laundry done, made a pot of chicken noodle soup, and went to a series of student-written plays here on campus. After the plays, i came back to eat dinner and realized that I am just souped out. I normally love chicken noodle soup, but I guess I have just had too much. It just sat in my frig all weekend. I will try again to eat it tonight, if it is still good, but I suspect I will be flushing it.

So, I went to bed to the sounds of student partying, which will be a constant now that the weather is nice. Woke up Saturday morning and headed out the door a little before 10, only to be flagged down by my neighbor. "Are you going somewhere?" she asked. "Yes, I actually have plans today." "Can you hold on for a few minutes and take me to the train station?" Umm, well, ok. This isn't the first time this last-minute trip has happened, and I normally don't mind, but I actually did have stuff to get done on Saturday, stuff related to my move and to my mortgage and to my attempts to find a wedding present for my cousin who is getting married one week after I close on the house.

Well, it turns out we both needed to go to the bank, so we did that, and then she walked to the train and I headed out to check out the HOBO store in Waukegan. HOBO stands for HomeOwner's Building Outlet. For those of you from the MA, it's kinda like a Bargain Outlet - part Ocean State Job Lot, part Home Depot, part Building 19. I had never been to the HOBO, but as a new homeowner, I figured I had better check it out and see what was there. Besides, the local advertisement said they had handcarts for $25, which I will need since I am moving most of my stuff by myself. So the HOBO was cool. Lots of stuff, most of it decent quality and cheap. I purchased a handcart and a cushion set for the nice wicker furniture mia madre has passed on to me for my new home.

Then, I headed off to Ace Hardware, where I wanted to get the paint chip booklet for their new "cultural tapestry" line, as featured in a newspaper article. I got there only to be told that despite the article and despite the website information, they didn't have the booklets yet. Come back Tuesday. Um, hell no.

So I headed south to the Home Improvement Show at the Lincolnshire Marriott. It was actually quite small. I was surprised. I wandered through while several unscrupulous contractors attempted to interest me in their services. I did connect with three that seemed good and had info from the Better Business Bureau that they are legititmate and were more interested in my needs than in selling me some $30K project. One designer I talked to told me she had the same problem in her condo as i have in my new house, i.e., a kitchen smaller than a postage stamp. She was actually somewhat excited about the possibilities but basically said that if I can't afford to be knocking out walls and totally reorienting the kitchen right now, there are some things that can be done sooner rather than later.

Now my original idea was to put the kitchen cart in the dining room and put the nucker-wave on the cart, which is ugly but I can't think of anywhere else to put it. But that takes up a lot of space and wastes a bunch more. And to tell the truth, I don't use the nucker-wave much and wouldn't use it at all if I planned ahead better. So, here's what I might do:

First, I can seek out help to get some of those above-the-stove nucker-waves or I can ditch the nucker alltogether. Second, Mia madre is gifting me her portable dishwasher, which she never uses but which also has a beautiful butcher block top. That will provide me with a nice countertop upon which to do meal prep. It can be situated in a little nook in the kitchen area. The garbage can go next to it. And then I can install shelving above the unit. The kitchen designer suggested having the bottom shelves be able to slide back and forth, so I can put my little appliances like the toaster oven and the coffee pot on the shelves and pull them out as I needed them. I can also use a drapery road and some metal hooks as a potrack, freeing up more space in the cupboards. All in all, it seems like a good temporary solution. As the designer said, if you can't spread out right now, spread up. A trip to Ikea might be in order to check out their kitchen set-ups.

So, that wasn;t so bad and I was feeling ok, so I headed off to HomeGoods to see if I could find my cousin a wedding present. Nothing, not a thing, and it started pouring.

So I went home and was all mopey, and was still all obsessed about picking out paint colors for my house and kicking myself because i seem to have fallen in love with a color called "White Raisin," which is, well, you know, white-ish. And I am not liking the traditional colors suggested by the Arts and Crafts movement (my house in as arts and crafts house) because they are dull and boring and oh so neutral when I remembered that Home Depot has this line of colors called Earth Elements and while they are, well, earthy, they are some richer jewel tones in there as well. So, on Sunday morning I woke up early early and headed to Home Depot, where I waited 20 minutes for a cart, because they had no associates to collect carts from outside and my hands were full and they wouldn't let me leave the store, only to discover, after finally receiving a cart, that, within the last month, the Earth Eements series has been moved out in favor of some crap ass Ralph Lauren paint colors. Which are ugly and require very expensive special equipment to put up and which actually got pretty bad reviews in a consumer review magazine. So I did get rollers and brushes and painters' tape and four nice clematis as well as a bamboo design vinyl stick for that window that is in my shower (window in shower - the neighbors do not deserve such a sight) and headed off to Bed Bath and Beyond, because I wanted to price towels, only to laugh like a mad woman when I found out that the cheapest towels they sell are like $9 a piece (yeah right) and then I head to the TJ Maxx to search yet again for the wedding present.

Why am I making this so hard, you might ask? Your cousin does have a registry. But it is a WalMart registry. I can't do it. I just can't. it causes me great spiritual pain just contemplating it. I mean, if you are going to go through the tremendous hassel of getting married at all and you are actually going to, you know, register for gifts, you should at least go to someplace like Kohl's and get half way decent stuff that won't fall apart next week. Ugh!

Anyway, I wandered through the store and finally found a niec gift that scraemed "Heather gave this to me," a very nice ceramic apple pie dish with a cover shaped like, get this, and apple pie crust. Too cute. I took it to the front and the clerk begins to ring it up and then all of a sudden stops and hands the plate to what I presume is a manager who leaves with it and the clerk starts folding clothing. I just looked at her. A couple of minutes go by. "Um, what is the problem? Why are you not ringing up my purchase." "Oh she has to look up a price." "But the price is on it." "Well, there is an old sticker on the top and she has to make sure you didn't try to scratch it off." I just looked at her, again. Really, a $20 pie plate is not worth the aggravation. About five minutes later, the manager comes back and takes the plate and puts it on a shelf. "I can't sell this to you." "What's the problem?" "I don't believe they go together. I can't find the piece the top goes to." "But the two pieces were together on the shelf." "But I don't think they go together." "Why not?" "Well, the top has an old price tag that is partially removed, so they don't belong together." "But they are by the same maker and they, um, you know, fit together, like hand in glove." "I don't care. I am not selling them to you. We'll have to throw them away." "Did you ever stop to think that the top should never have had a price tag on it and that your worker screwed up and tried to scratch it off? " "That doesn't happen here." "Really? What about the three pairs of jeans I was thinking of buying, none of which had price tags?" And the manager just walked away. And the sales clerk eyed me nervously and said, "I'll ring up the rest of your purchase." I told her not to bother, that their customer service was so poor, I would never come back.

And I walked back out into the pouring rain.... idiots.

Deer Ahoy!

This morning, I came into work early after a night of not sleeping due to a potential identity theft scare, and three little yearling deer were in the back parking lot where I parked. First, they ran toward the ravine, but they must have changed their minds because all of a sudden, my car was surrounded by cutesy deers. Then, they sprinted for Carneigie, home of English and foreign languages, where they decided to hang out for a while, eating the little tree in front of the building. They looked at me, completely unconcerned. And several students walked by, not even noticing they are there - which is probably not good as pissy mad deer can kick a human's ass.

I wish I had my camera with me, as it was totally adorable.

The funny thing is that I have a pack of venison steak defrosting on my counter for dinner tonight, and these little bambis would be tender and delicious!

What I am moving from .... 'nough said.

Houston, We Have a Contract

There have been no posts for a while. This is partly because I have only 3 readers, one of whom is my mom. Hi Mom! The other reason though is that I have been busy making plans and taking steps towards the future.

First, I gave my first GourmetGoddess cooking lesson - an Italian spring vegetarian meal. I think it went fairly well, although I did bouil the pasta water over on the stove. Just not used to working with electric anymore.

Second, I have been searching for a new place to live.

Now, don't get me wrong. My plavce on campus is ok. It could be worse, but when I started doing my taxes this year and realized how badly the subsidy was screwing me up, I decided, if I am going to pay close to $1000 in rent and extra taxes due to the subsidy, I am damn well going to just pay close to that in order to own my own place and build up some equity and get to garden as well (yes, I like mowing the lawn). So I found a fantastic place in Zion situated next to a forest preserve and a rive and made an offer. A reasonable offer. And the sellers refused to negotiate. So I took my money back. This turned out to be a good thing because the river flooded and therefore the house flooded. Mwahahahahahahaha!

So I was pretty resigned to being in my housing for another year when a house that had previously been out of my price range was reduced. it's gorgeous, in a decent part of Waukegan, and has excellent potential. I made an offer. They countered. I countered their counter and they countered my counter of their counter. And a deal was made. I got the signed contract last night. Now all that needs to be done is getting the mortage, which shouldn't be a problem as I am pre-approved.

So, the journey begins. Here are pictures. Over time, as I change things, I will post new ones!

I start moving on April 16.

Chinese Spaghetti with Meat Sauce

As you all know, I am interested in fusion food. So I recently made my version of Chinese spaghetti with meat sauce. The dish is similar to what one often finds on Chinese menus as "Marco Polo Noodles: This is the original spaghetti and meat sauce that Marco Polo brought back to Italy from China!" But is also plays a lot on traditional Singapore or dan dan fun.

1 pound ground meat (I use venison but it would be as good with ground chicken or even those Boca TVP crumbles. I would not use ground turkey unless you use an all dark meat version.)
1 T ginger paste (you can get this as Indian markets)
2 t dried minced garlic
1 t aleppo pepper (for heat)
1 small onion, diced fine
1 carrot, diced fine
1 stalk of celery, diced fine
1 t galangal powder
2 cups crushed tomato
1/4 cup tomato paste
1/2 cup hoisin sauce
1/2 pound whole wheat spaghetti noodles

Coat the bottom of a large pan or wok with oil and preheat. Add in ginger paste, minced garlic, and aleppo pepper. Cook until the aroma of the spices really smells great and then add in the onion, carrot, and celery. Cook just until the onion starts to brown. Add in ground meat. Cook this, stirring often, so that the result is very fine pieces of ground meat mixed with the other stuff. Then add the tomato paste, stir for a couple of minutes, then add in crushed tomato. The result should look a bit like a Bolognese sauce at this point. Then add in galangal and hoisin sauce. Cook pasta according to the manufacturer's directions. When pasta is done, serve it with a scoop or two of meat sauce. The sauce is can also be enhanced with chopped up green onion or the addition of frozen peas or corn. This recipe should serve 4 very hungry people.

Experimental Cookie #4

So this weekend while I was having a guest, I decided to try out experimental cookie #4. The guest had requested to become a guinea pig, so I figured why not? Our experimental cookie was Banana Chocolate Chip. The cake did not have enough banana flavor, but was otherwise tasty.

2 1/2 cup whole wheat flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 cup butter, softened
1 cup Splenda
1 cup light brown sugar
4 T banana flavor
2 large eggs
1 cup 60% cacao bittersweet chocolate chips


Preheat oven to 375. Sift flour with baking soda and salt and set aside. In a large bowl, beat butter and sugar and brown sugar until smooth and creamy. Add vanilla and eggs and mix until incorporated. Blend dry into wet slowly until you have a nice smooth batter, then mix in your chips. Drop by the tablespoon full unto an ungreased cookie sheet and bake for 9-11 minutes,This recipes makes between 2-3 dozen cookies. The cookies are very moist and rich and somewhat cakey in texture.

My guest's take on the cookies: "Best cookies I've had today!"

Frozen Concentrated Winter

A reader brought to my attention that I haven't posted in a while, and he is absolutely correct. Instead, I have been participating in the latest round of frozen concentrated winter. Rather like frozen concentrated OJ, we are experiencing winter in such a concentrated form that we are getting a whole year's worth of it in 23 days. Insanity! Between the sub-zero temps, wicked winds, and massive snow falls, well, I am just exhausted. Too exhausted to write.

That being said, I did recently participate in the Three Questions meme. This is where you invite 10 friends to ask any three questions, questions you must answer absolutely honestly and then post the questions and answers to your blog. My friend Donna is the only one to ask me questions... here is our exchange.....


Her Questions:

1. Where do you ultimately WANT to settle down by the time you are ready to retire – still thinking about Jump river?

2. Are you glad you had the stomach surgery or are the side effects making it not worth it?

3. Are you EVER GOING TO WRITE THAT BOOK?

My Answers:


1. Where do you ultimately WANT to settle down by the time you are ready to retire – still thinking about Jump river?


This is a very interesting question and a discussion I recently had with the potential love interest. I have never really been drawn to any one place. There isn't anyone place that I consider to be home. I love the Jump River. Of all the places I ahve been that is the one I like best. Rather than places, I have always been attracted by the opportunities in any given place. Which is why I am inclined to stay put here for a while.

2. Are you glad you had the stomach surgery or are the side effects making it not worth it?

I think it was a good thing I had the surgery as I was killing myself slowly. but I am struggling now. I have increased side effects the longer out I go. And I still feel like a fat failure.

3. Are you EVER GOING TO WRITE THAT BOOK?

Only if I radically change careers. It is too hard to write all day long and then go home and write for 4 more hours....

Another Sure Sign of Midwestern Insanity


I went yesterday to fill up my car's gas tank (always full during cold cold weather) and add a bottle of Heet to make sure it will start when needed. And it has been cold cold here......it's 20 right now, which is as warm as it has been in days. Well, I am sitting at the pump, trying to get my gas tank open, as it has frozen shut and what do I see? A line of eight cars waiting to get into the car wash. The car wash! It is below freezing! They must all have heated garages at home.

Insanity!

Best Soup Ever

or

How Heather Got Seven Meals for Under $15

Last week, I got a hankering for boiled dinner. And the hankering did not go away all week so I knew, I just knew, I had to give in to it. Not that I struggle all that hard against cravings anyway, but still.

For all those who don't know, boiled dinner is a typical bit of peasant food. In the case of my family tradition, it is basically a chunk of somewhat salty ham, cabbage, carrots, and potatoes thrown into a pot, cover with water, and then boiled. The ham gets all soft and juicy and the broth is tasty, and when you eat it, you throw stuff on your plate, smoosh the taters, spoon on the broth, and maybe - maybe - put a pad of butter on the cabbage. Damn good stuff!

So, I went to go and gather the ingredients only to discover that all the available hams were huge - big enough to feed a family of 24 - way too big for little old me to make myself some boiled dinner. So after a nice discussion with the butcher, I decided to purchase some pork hocks - four fresh and two smoked - in palce of the ham ($4.13). I also got a head of Savoy cabbage ($1.93), two large carrots ($.63), a dozen small potatoes ($1.23), and three small ears of corn ($1.49). Total so far - $9.41.

I took everything home and chucked the hocks in my largest pot, chopped the cabbage and carrot into large pieces and chucked them in the pot, too. Then I added to corn cobs (trying adding corn on the cob to your soups... they add an incredible flavour). Then I scrubbed the potatoes (I got baby ones so they didn't need to be chunked). I added some salt (because I wasn't using ham) and proceeded to boiled it all until the potatoes were just soft. Then I ate.

Because there was so much in the pot, I knew it would be more than one meal. I kept everything in there, though, and every night reboiled it, further infusing the water with yummyness. I ahd boiled dinner for four nights. There were still a few little potatoes left, so I took those out and for breakfast mashed them up with onions and a beaten egg and fried them up as little potato pancakes. Then, I took the about two quarts of broth left, added some chopped onions, threw in about a cup of lentils and a half cup of barley and cooked it til the lentils and lentils were cooked. Hark! Two nights of the best soup ever!

I think the soup was so good because the flavour of the hocks had been concentrated and also because I used a special spice mix I had never tried before - something Australian that is called "garlic and onion" but also includes cloves, cumin, cinnamon, bell peppers and a bunch of other cool stuff. I got it at TJ Maxx, where I also find the coolest cooking mixes. It's great because they are cheap so if what you picks up sucks, no biggie. But it's bad because if you really like something, you may never find it again. I am currently facing that with my "grind your own" African BBQ spice mill. Which I adore tremendously but have never seen again since I found it. It also cannot be found on the internet and I can only make an educated guess as to what is really in it.

So anyway, the cost of the lentils and the onion and the barley and the egg was way under $5 bucks, so my grand total for seven very filling meals was under $15.

I Am Many Things - Ayup


You are The Moon

Hope, expectation, Bright promises.The Moon is a card of magic and mystery - when prominent you know that nothing is as it seems, particularly when it concerns relationships. All logic is thrown out the window. The Moon is all about visions and illusions, madness, genius and poetry. This is a card that has to do with sleep, and so with both dreams and nightmares. It is a scary card in that it warns that there might be hidden enemies, tricks and falsehoods. But it should also be remembered that this is a card of great creativity, of powerful magic, primal feelings and intuition. You may be going through a time of emotional and mental trial; if you have any past mental problems, you must be vigilant in taking your medication but avoid drugs or alcohol, as abuse of either will cause them irreparable damage. This time however, can also result in great creativity, psychic powers, visions and insight. You can and should trust your intuition.

You are a dragon.

You're smart and cunning, and enjoy taking risks. Your need for independence is an advantage, but sometimes it alienates you from others. As far as *good* and *evil*, you're pretty neutral--but you may have something of a wicked streak

I Miss Sebastian's

I eat lunch pretty much every day in the cafeteria. It's easy and I often can either hang out with the faculty or listen in on their conversations. But, really, the food is bad. I think it is much worse than when I was a student here, ten years ago. Of course, it could just be that I have become a food snob. But I really think the food is pretty bad even if it is attractive to teens (burgers and fries every day! Dude!)

Take today, for example. I had to go to lunch later than normal and I got there and, after seeing the menu, I almost left. Except I was hungry and an overpriced sandwich at the little cafe was unattractive to me. Available to me - burgers and fries (dude!), a bacon cheesburger wrap, pork satay stirfry (overcooked pork in a gloppy sweet sauce on ramen noodles), meat paella (don't ask), some mushy cooked frozen veggies, and an overcooked chicken breast in a creamy bacon sauce. I selected the breast with the least amount of sauce on it and then made myself a salad at the extremely small and hard to access salad bar.

And that is when it hits me. I really miss Sebastian's.

Sebastian's is a mostly lunch place in downtown Boston with the world's greatest salad bar. First, you pick any one of three lettuce blends. Then you can add as many of about a gazillion add-ons that you want. Ok. maybe not a gazillion, but at least 30, including beans, nuts, tuna, roasted veggies, fruit, cheeses... I mean, just about anything and everything. Then, they mix it with your choice of dressing throw it in what seems to be a half gallon bowl and hand it to you with a slice of pita. Price? As long as you didn't get something totally weird as an add-on - about $7. This is a salad that took me almost an hour to eat. An hour of steady eating. An incredible salad that when you were done with it, you thought, "Dude! I just ate a SALAD!"

Dudes. I just really want to eat a SALAD!

No Cooking Due to Lard!

Sadly, I will not be cooking at all this week due to a malfunctioning kitchen sink.

Over the last couple of months, I have been having a real problem with my kitchen sink backing up. Both sides fill with water and various gunk and take forever and a day to actually drain out. Very annoying, but I figured I had probably caused the problem by putting something down the sink that didn't belong there, a kind of blaming the victim mentality. So, I betook myself to the local hardware store and poured out my heart to the store helper (an 85-year-old man who was terribly no-nonsense), who said "Buy this foaming pipe snake and run it down there. If that don't work, call the plumber!" Which I, personally, thought was great advice and something I never would have expected to hear from someone who could have sold me any number of very expensive products over the course of the next month.

I bought the snake and took it home and threw it down the drain and waited an hour. Then, per directions, I ran hot water down the sinks - only to have it back up. Great, now my sinks were full of water and dangerous chemicals. I quick locked the cats in the bedroom so they wouldn't be tempted and waited for the sinks to clear and wiped them out good.

On Monday, I want to Fac Man and begged for help. When I got home last night, I went to the sink and ran the water and there was no backing up. So excited. So Excited! I did a little dance.

This morning, I got a call from Fac Man. Turns out my problem actually wasn't fixed. The fix is just temporary. Apparently, these old houses had special points on the drainage system where "lard traps" were placed. Because people used to cook with lard and then dump it down the sink. Which is stupid and must be a city folk problem, because everyone that I know in rural areas that cooks with lard and bacon grease knows that you should keep it in an old coffee can on the back of your stove, where you can reuse it to delicious end, such as making friend chicken or homemade donuts.

Anyway, outside of my apartment, one of the lard traps has apparently rotted and the drain pipe has collapsed. Which explains all the weird debris and bad smells coming out of my kitchen drain. Getting this fixed is actually going to be somewhat problematic. Ideally, it would involve digging large holes in the front yard and putting new pipes. Which is somewhat difficult to do in January, considering that the ground is frozen and what all. Not to mention the fact that I can just see the neighbors throwing a hissy fit about the ugliness of the digging, dragging out the process for months and holding up permits, in which case I might as well just move and say screw it to the whole drain problem. Instead, they are having someone come in and reroute the entire plumping system to a new drainage point somewhere already existing in my basement. So, there will be lots of fun and interesting happenings in my basement for the next week or so.

And in the meantime, I am likely to not cook and to eat off of paper plates. It's hard to do when you can't wash dishes well....

Really, I just need to get out of my townhouse and find my own place. With a kitchen at least twice as big as I have now. Donations towards a downpayment would be appreciated and will be payed back in various delicious goodies and dinner parties.

Experimental Cookies On Deck

So, in the next month or so I will be working on experimental cookie 3B (cafe mocha, but with crushed chocolate covered espresso beans instead of chips), #4 (pumpkin butterscotch) and #5 (chocolate covered banana). I will post as the experimenting begins. #5 is going to be baked in the middle of February, when a potential love interest is coming to visit me. he has expressed a desire to be a cookie taster.

And speaking of tasters and testers, has anyone been trying any of the recipes here? What modifications did you make? Have you liked anything?

Food Jokes!

Mia madre sent me the following forwarded email yesterday. I normally hate forwards. They often harbor viruses and are so prevelant that they clog my in-box. BUT! She doesn;t do it very often and this one was actually somewhat funny...

How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue?..
And then you add eggs
And sugar... And you get cake? Where did the glue go ?

NEED AN ANSWER? You know darned well where it went!That's what makes the cake stick to your BUTT

The actual email had some funny little graphics, which don't cut and paste ......

Experimental Cookie #3

Well, the alien flu has been causing me to malinger. I am still sick. Can you believe that crap? I don't feel awful but I don't feel 100% either. My poor house is looking a sight as a result, so today I am in cleaning mode. If you are a dust bunny, you will be terminated!

I did recently have enough energy to make Experimental Cookie #3 - cafe mocha chip. Sadly, test results showed it was more mocha and less cafe, so in its next incarnation, I am going to use crushed chocolate covered espresso beans instead of chips. Here is the recipe for #3!


2 1/4 cup whole wheat flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 cup butter, softened
1 cup Splenda
1 cup light brown sugar
1 T vanilla extract (or chocolate vanilla if you can get it)
2 large eggs
1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
1 cup cappuchino chips
nuts, if you like them

Preheat oven to 375. Stif flour with baking soda and salt and set aside. In a large bowl, beat butter and sugar and brown sugar until smooth and creamy. Add vanilla and eggs and mix until incorporated. Blend dry into wet slowly until you have a nice smooth batter, then mix in your chips. Drop by the tablespoon full unto an ungreased cookie sheet and bake for 9-11 minutes,

This recipes makes between 3-4 dozen cookies. The cookies are very moist and rich.

Fallen in Lurve!

Yes, folks, I have fallen in lurve..... I fell hard and fast. For Garden Fresh Market in Mundelein...

Now, you have all read about my search for the almost perfect grocery store (nothing is perfect, ayup). In this pursuit, I have been to a Garden Fresh in Northbrook. It was pretty good, it's primary feature being that 50% of it was kosher. But a coworker gave me a tip and told me to go to the Garden Fresh in Mundelein. So after over a week of feeling near death and not leaving the house, I finally worked up the strength to go.

I spent 2 hours there. It was heaven. I had died and gone to heaven.

It's fruit and veggie section was nearly as large as Russo's in Watertown - if the quality was not quite as good (well, of course not, Russo's is a wholesaler). It had huge sections of both Asian and Latino fruits and veggies. There were even items there that I had never seen before. It's deli section was about 3 times as large as any deli I have ever seen, and it sells about a dozen types of feta. It had a huge Greek yogurt section. Huge Russian and Polish sections. There were three - count them! - three types of headcheese, including a 1 pound tube o' headcheese redolent of onion and garlic (I bought it, yummy!). I even found items I was afeard I would never see again - Osem brand Israeli canned tomatoes and Swad brand Indian staples. There were more dulses than I could beat with a stick. More than 25 types of honey (I counted). Beef toungue. Chicken feet. Duck thighs. No rabbit though. And they did not have a huge fresh fish section, but maybe they don't get much call for that. What was there was fresh smelling and nice looking and they had large section of dried and smoked fish. And cheese! Not quite as much snooty imported stuff as you might find in a Whole Paycheck, but they had smoked butterkase and five types of French yoghurt cheese. I also got these excellent pumpkin and sunflower seed rolls that I am eating for breakfast. Checken drummies for 49 cents a pound. A frozen horchata snack bars. I could go on but, really, I am breathless and way too excited by this discovery.

But wait! There's more!

In February, the store is moving into the old Cub foods space.... which means it will be about 50% bigger than it is now.

I will have to make certain to leave the credit card at home the next time I visit....

Weird Foods of Wisconsin Christmas

Sorry all for not posting for a while, but I have been terribly sick - fever, cough, head filled with cement. In fact, I have been sleeping until at least 10 every day for almost a week, which all of you know is unheard of. So, yup I am sick!

Well, I am feeling a little better today so I thought I would talk about the weird foods one finds at Christmas gatherings in many parts of Wisconsin... some of which are tasty and others which should be banished from the face of the earth.

Wolf Bait - this one is actually not bad even with the strange name. It is basically cream cheese, chopped up onion, and chopped up dried chipped beef or ham. Mix it all together and serve with buttery crackers. Yum yum! But it will make you need some mouthwash.

Cannibal Sandwiches - Good ground beef, chopped green peppers, chopped onions - mixed together with salt and pepper. Serve raw with rye bread. Yup, no cooking. I don't see this as often now as there have been so many e coli scares, but it used to be quite common. I always found it hilarious, considering how many cannibal grave robbing serial killers Wisconsin has produced over the years.

Lutefisk - This is a Scandihoovian tradition. It is basically cod fish that has been preserved in lye. Yes, lye. The same stuff mobsters use to dissolve bodies in remote burial sites. Basically, the pye-preserved cod gets rinsed and rinsed and rinsed again. Then it is boiled until it looks like a giant glob of snot. It is served with lefse (potato flatbread) and butter and sometimes sliced onion. Gack.

All in all, Christmas was ok. Visiting the stepfather's family was a bit like being in a casino - so many lights and noise and yelling and smoking. No jackpots though! And a definite lack of vegetables. I am not used to living n a situation where the meat is central and the veggie is the condiment. It is good to be home...

You Win Some, You Lose Some

So, I have been doing a bit more cooking lately. Likely because it is winter, and I get the urge to cook (and eat!) more during winter. Sadly, most of my recipes have been meat or seafood-based, just because the veggies are not as nice in the winter herein the Great White North.

Here is a round-up of recent winners!


Tex-Mex Shrimp Saute

8 oz shrimp
3 medium, ripe tomatoes
1 medium onion
1 cup corn (I prefer Trader Joe's Fire-Roasted Corn)
1 T cumin
2 t Southwest Seasoning (Penzey's)

Chop the tomatoes (keep the seeds and skin based on your taste and patience level) and onion. Saute onion in some garlic olive oil. Throw in cumin and Southwest Seasoning (use chilli powder if you don't have the Southwest Seasoning and then go and get some, because it rocks the house). Throw in shrimp and corn. Just before the shrimp get all pink frmo their internal thermometers, throw in the tomatoes. Cook until heated throw and full of bubbly goodness. Serve over pasta or rice.


Fig-Stuffed Chicken Breasts

1 breast per person (make sure they are the plump and meaty breasts, not the skinny individually packed frozen breasts)
Your favorite stuffing mix
1 medium red onion
5 dried figs per person
.25 cup of pecans

Mix up the stuffing according to the directions on the package. Chop the figs and the onion and throw them into the stuffing (add less onion if you only have a couple of people eating). Mix in the pecans. Then, butterfly each breast and stuff with the stuffing mixture. Put into a high-sided baking pan and put in the oven at 350 for about 45 minutes. Towards the end of cooking, slice some Fontina cheese and put on top. If you can melt the Fontina under the broiler so it gets a pretty brown crust. Just be careful not to burn the cheese under the broiler, which is easy to do.



Crock-Pot Venison for a Party Crowd


1.5 pounds of venison stew meat
1 handful of dried mushrooms (I use wild ones handpicked by mia madre but feel free to use whatever ones strike your fancy at the store - even try some morels! Yum!)
2 T dried toasted onion flakes
2 T garlic powder
1 T powdered ancho chillis (or chilli powder)
salt and pepper
even broth to cover the venison.

Throw everything in the Crock-Pot by 7:30 am. Turn on high. Come back at 4:45 pm. Turn off Crock-Pot. Using potholders, transport to car. Go to Party. Serve at holiday buffet. Take home an empty Crock-Pot.


And one loser -

Shrimp and Mushrooms in Chilli Garlic Sauce

Theoretically, this should have been yummy. I just used shrimp and mushrooms and a Cook-Do sauce. I love Cook-Do. For someone looking to have a lazy Asian supper, Cook-Do is the way to go. And I normally love the Chilli Garlic Cook-Do sauce. I don't know if the mushrooms were sliced to thinly or what the deal was, but this dish just did not speak to me. Actually, the only part I liked was the sauce, which I spooned over brown rice. The rest of it I chucked.

Which you should never be afraid to do. Ever. Just chuck it!

I had to be discounted

Well, the auction is over. And when it came time to put the money on the bidding sheet, my pre-auction interestees were not interested in paying for my cooking adventures. In fact, my starting bid was discounted by 50% just to get people interested. The romantic dinner for two and the vegeterian family style meal each went for $10 and the garden party - valued at $200 - went for $20.

The winners are cool folks with whom I will enjoy cooking! I will let you know what we end up making...

I am going to be the hit of the auction!


So, this week is the week of getting nothing done, of basically going from party to party and pressing the flesh. Which is really hard for me because I am a bit shy at parties and really only go to see if someone will drink too much and dance on a table, especially someone who is terribly shy and awkward in real life.

It could happen.

Nevertheless, I have - at all the staff and faculty parties I have been going to - been talking up my donations to the upcoming silent auction. And really, I think these certificates are going to bring in some cashola. There was a minor almost-loud-voice shoving match between two people last night who each want a particular certificate, and one person has already asked if he can get lessons without having to bid on an adventure.

There is something here. This could really end up being a new career path if I decide to make a radical change. Maybe I should start writing a business plan.

Totally off topic political post

I know. I know. This blog is supposed to be about food and cooking and the occassional insanity of my cats. But really, we all know blogs are about whatever happens to spew out of your brain at any given moment. Most of mine just happen to be about food, cooking, grocery shopping, or something related to eating. However, even my brain thinks about other things once in a while.

And I gotta say. I am actually feeling a bit sorry for Bush I. Yes, the father of Dubya and Jeb. Apparently, he was giving some sort of speech somewhere and was talking about when Jeb was defeated in his bid to be Gov'nah of Florida in 1994. And he kinda broke down. Started crying at the part where he was talking about Jeb being gracious in defeat.

You have to wonder if he was really crying about Jeb at that point.

It has to be hard to be the father of Dubya. I imagine that it must be kind of like being the parent of a mass murderer. As a parent, you want to be proud of your children and support them no matter what. As a human being, you must be horrified that one of your own could do such awful things.

Now, Bush I wasn't a bad president. He wasn't a particularly good president, either. But right now, I wish he would be a good parent and send little Georgie to the corner for a time out.